boy in a box

we picked up our son, or what is left of him after cremation, in a disturbingly small box this afternoon. we did okay at the funeral home, but as soon as we walked out, i broke into tears. we finally got to take johannes home today, but not in the format i would have preferred.

we are exhibiting cracks in our family unit today, justin by being uncharacteristically irritable, me by crying like i haven't cried in at least two weeks, and poor little johannes is in a million tiny pieces. we suck at being a family today.

justin apologized for being snappish a little bit ago, and i said (by way of trying to express forgiveness, i suppose), "hey, it's not every day you bring your boy home in a box."

we took our friend taih to lunch at frankie's (well, she insisted on paying, so technically she took us to lunch) before taking her to the airport. she is the last of our out-of-town people to leave. now we just need to get ourselves out of town. one more thing to do before we leave tomorrow: take the baby gear my mom packed up over to mike and kath's attic. the last thing we need is to come home and find that our basement flooded and the stroller and highchair and swing and carseats and whatever else are covered in mold.