SBC is satan

This is a conversation that took place between Wayne of SBC and myself, provided as an absurd aside to blow off a bit of steam and to demonstrate that I still get pissed about non dead-boy related things.

Atleast with Wayne and SBC, it's good to know that I am just some anyday, everyday schmuck who can be arbitrarily disregarded. Which provides me with some amusement.

By the point that I'd met Wayne, I'd allready been transfered three times, the last transfer resulting in a voicemail box. I'm trusting that this voicemail box is comparable to the 'beaver damn tube' at Springfield Nuclear Power Plant "where the tube knows what to do with everything."

J: "Hello Wayne, pardon me for being pushy, but I've allready been transfered three times. The last call resulted in me being transfered to a managers voice mail. I'd expected to actually speak to this person, but I left a message. I'm sure he'll call me back ASAP"

W: "ofcourse you got voicemail, there is a VP in town to day, so all the managers are in manager meetings all day ..."

J: "well, duh, how could I have forgot about the manager meetings, your company is so important to my everyday life - now, can you fax me my bill?"

W: "Uh, no - that's a gross violation of your privacy. How do I know that you really are Justin?"

J: "I don't know, but say, if I want to pay my bill, can you accept my credit card for payment over the phone?"

W: "absolutely"

J: "ohhhh, so I guess that you're willing to accept my credit card, and presume that it is actually me paying the bill"

W: "ohhhhhm yeah, I guess so"

J: "Well, I don't follow the logic of that, but OK"

W: "well, you're paying a bill, we'll accept that without question. Who would want to pay someone elses bill?"

J: "Who in the world would want to LOOK at my bill? Ok, so what I'm getting out of this - when it benefits you, no problem - when it benefits me, to heck with you"

W: "Yeah, I'm sorry about your inconvieniance, can I offer you high speed DSL internet service?"

J: "Do you even pay attention to what I am saying, and ask questions accordingly?"

W: "I wouldn't ask these questions if I didn't have to"

J: "I'm sure that you wouldn't - NOW - can I speak to someone who has some authority, any authority? I understand that you have none."

W: "Yes, I'd be happy to, but they are all in the managers meeting with the visiting VP, remember? I'll gladly put your file on his desk, and he'll call you ASAP, probably after 430pm"

J: "Thanks, please do that"

W: "Ok, I will. May I ask you if you've been happy with your SBC service thus far today?"

J: laughing "No, I haven't been happy. Do you even pay attention to these calls?"

W: seriously "Yes, and I assure you that I wouldn't ask these questions if I didn't have to."

J: "Believe me, I believe you - now - shall I expect a call from your manager today. I don't really trust that he'll call, but I do expect him to do so."

W: "Yes, both he and I will call you back today. Incase you have any questions for me."

J: "I really do look forward to that, Wayne, much more than you can imagine!"

W: "Ok, thank you for calling SBC, you may receive a call in the next 48hours asking you to rate your customer experiance today with SBC."

J: "That's rich! I look forward to that, more than you can imagine! Say, do you pay attention to the content of these calls?"

W: "Yes, and I assure you that I wouldn't ask these questions if I didn't have to."

J: "Thank for the laughs Wayne"

W: "have a good day, thank you for calling SBC"

J: snicker