blechhhh ***now updated with more depressing crap!***
we're back from madrid. we had a great time, but we're both sick now, and cleveland is grey and muddy and slushy and under mountains of snow, which is depressing.
i called my ob, and he had me go to the lab to check my beta levels, which turned out to be 1586 - not bad, but not fantastic; within normal range, but on the low side. when my ob called me back with the result, he sounded more cautious than he did when we talked earlier in the day, before the test. yuck. the plan is to get another beta check next wednesday, then go from there. if my beta level is still going up, he'll schedule an ultrasound the following week.
i thought christmas would be easier with little z (as our zygote has become known) with me, but it sounds like nothing will be too definite on christmas day yet. crap.
also, if everything goes well, justin feels strongly about not going public until after hans's birthday in february, which will be about 16 weeks. the thought of waiting that long makes me feel desperate and panicky. but it may not matter, if little z doesn't make it that long anyway. crap. crap. crap.
i've certainly been continuously and desperately hungry of late, although today not as much, but that may just be because of my cold and congestion. god, i hope that's all it is.
i have a million things to catch up on at work, and our laptop hasn't been returned yet, so it will be a few days before i catch up on everything and publish pictures of our trip. i wish i were home, in bed, with the covers pulled over my head.
***the 6:15 pm update: i'm so discouraged. i wish i had asked for a regular old 48 hour beta check. how will i make it until next wednesday in this limbo? i'm crampy, in a very pre-menstrual-y way, and i had a tiny, tiny little brown spot when i wiped. which of course could be poop. which wouldn't bode well for my ability to successfully diaper little z or any of its successors if i can't keep my own fecal matter away from my hoo-ha. but a speck-o-shit would be much, much better than a speck-o-endometrium, don't you think?
so here's hoping my hygiene is sub-standard!
i called my ob, and he had me go to the lab to check my beta levels, which turned out to be 1586 - not bad, but not fantastic; within normal range, but on the low side. when my ob called me back with the result, he sounded more cautious than he did when we talked earlier in the day, before the test. yuck. the plan is to get another beta check next wednesday, then go from there. if my beta level is still going up, he'll schedule an ultrasound the following week.
i thought christmas would be easier with little z (as our zygote has become known) with me, but it sounds like nothing will be too definite on christmas day yet. crap.
also, if everything goes well, justin feels strongly about not going public until after hans's birthday in february, which will be about 16 weeks. the thought of waiting that long makes me feel desperate and panicky. but it may not matter, if little z doesn't make it that long anyway. crap. crap. crap.
i've certainly been continuously and desperately hungry of late, although today not as much, but that may just be because of my cold and congestion. god, i hope that's all it is.
i have a million things to catch up on at work, and our laptop hasn't been returned yet, so it will be a few days before i catch up on everything and publish pictures of our trip. i wish i were home, in bed, with the covers pulled over my head.
***the 6:15 pm update: i'm so discouraged. i wish i had asked for a regular old 48 hour beta check. how will i make it until next wednesday in this limbo? i'm crampy, in a very pre-menstrual-y way, and i had a tiny, tiny little brown spot when i wiped. which of course could be poop. which wouldn't bode well for my ability to successfully diaper little z or any of its successors if i can't keep my own fecal matter away from my hoo-ha. but a speck-o-shit would be much, much better than a speck-o-endometrium, don't you think?
so here's hoping my hygiene is sub-standard!
posted by laura at 12:10 PM
13 Comments:
Welcome home. I know it's not Madrid, but I miss you when you're jetting all over the world. Can't wait to see your pictures.
I hope youre betas keep doing whatever they're supposed to do. {{{hugs}}}
oh the uncertainty! i'm pulling for little z.
I hope you feel better and have a solid reason to celebrate soon.
Would you please send us some snow? The serious kind.
Oh, and welcome back. You've been missed.
I'm glad you had a good time. I'm thinking of you and hoping hard for little Z!
Glad you had a good trip. Anywhere without snow sounds great right about now! Hope some holiday magic finds you and little z and keeps you both safe.
Hope the ambiguity disappears with some nice high numbers and a beautiful ultrasound. I'll be pulling for you guys!
Thinking of you and praying for little z. (((hugs)))
Welcome home, just sorry home has to be a cold, snowy emotional roller coaster where you wish for substandard hygiene! Come on little z (you know I'm saying "zed" don't you?!) you can do it!
Sorry you have to wait until Wed. I hope the next set of numbers provide a little comfort. Someone needs to invent an at-home beta.
Welcome home... so sorry you guys are not feeling well and that you have to wait for more news on little z. It's frustrating... it's maddening... it helps none to tell you to relax because I know it's impossible to do that now.
Distraction! Find anything that makes you re-focus even for a little while. Sleep did it for us. Unfortunately you can't sleep until next Wednesday... or can you? Hmmmmm... now wouldn't that be nice.
*rooting for you and little z*
I hope you are a horrible wiper! Thinking of you this weekend and hoping Wednesday is here before we know it. (((hugs)))
Also thinking you must have forgot to go front to back. Z! Z! Z! You can do it!
Hoping you feel better, and happy, and have good news too. It's not too late to get the 48 hour beta to put your mind at ease.
I missed you so much!
Welcome back guys - it's good to see you:) I second Sweet Coalminer - try get in for the 48 hour. You seem very (understandably) anxious.
I learned the hard way with this pregnancy that logic, intellegence or whatever - is no match for the worry that comes after 2 losses in a row. Do whatever you need to to keep on an even keel.
That said - Dig deep Little Z!!!!
Post a Comment
<< Home