my first breakdown at work since april!
you know those signs that advertise "423 days since our last accident ~ making safety our priority!" or something similarly propaganda-ish and probably fudged? i should get one for my desk: "X days since last breakdown". today i would have to reset it to zero.
all at once this morning, i was back on the ultrasound table, yelling, nonononononono, and justin was rubbing his face against my belly, and it was horrific. i sat at my desk and cried. then when people started to ask me if i was okay (the bastards), i grabbed my cellphone and security swipe card and ran outside; i couldn't get through to justin, who was in the shower, but i got to cry some and then get myself together enough to come back to the office.
when it happened, i was looking at pictures from a co-worker's trip to cambodia. he visited the museum made out of the building where the khmer rouge interrogated and tortured and killed people, and the (in)famous picture of the electrocuted man on the metal bed frame kept coming up - in a display, on a postcard - and i think it just flipped my horror switch.
i have felt physically ill ever since. i don't know if it was the electrocution pictures or the memories. maybe it's a little of both.
it has occurred to me this afternoon that i have not just lost hans - i've lost his children. i've lost the person he would have loved enough to spend the rest of his life with. i didn't think the loss could get any bigger. i had planned to go home tonight and make a nice broccoli casserole and maybe strawberry shortcake, but now i have no appetite.
justin: could i interest you in getting good and messed up tonight?
all at once this morning, i was back on the ultrasound table, yelling, nonononononono, and justin was rubbing his face against my belly, and it was horrific. i sat at my desk and cried. then when people started to ask me if i was okay (the bastards), i grabbed my cellphone and security swipe card and ran outside; i couldn't get through to justin, who was in the shower, but i got to cry some and then get myself together enough to come back to the office.
when it happened, i was looking at pictures from a co-worker's trip to cambodia. he visited the museum made out of the building where the khmer rouge interrogated and tortured and killed people, and the (in)famous picture of the electrocuted man on the metal bed frame kept coming up - in a display, on a postcard - and i think it just flipped my horror switch.
i have felt physically ill ever since. i don't know if it was the electrocution pictures or the memories. maybe it's a little of both.
it has occurred to me this afternoon that i have not just lost hans - i've lost his children. i've lost the person he would have loved enough to spend the rest of his life with. i didn't think the loss could get any bigger. i had planned to go home tonight and make a nice broccoli casserole and maybe strawberry shortcake, but now i have no appetite.
justin: could i interest you in getting good and messed up tonight?
posted by laura at 5:55 PM
9 Comments:
pull my leg?
dantes is super cheap - I only spent $6 on that buzz the other night, but do you want some anonymity? Maybe that German place, or something closer (ie cartwheel distance)to home?
Sounds like you certainly are in line for some good ol' messing up. You deserve it guys. I'll have one in your honor this evening.
if we go somewhere in our 'hood, we can both get overserved.
thanks, cat. :)
or maybe we should just do it at home. we've got one more episode of sfu to watch on the disk before it's due back at midnight. i could go hooch-shopping while you're finishing up at work.
ok - get us something good!
Cheers! I highly recommend occasional overindulgence as a way to cope. Just remember to drink a big glass of water and take some aspirin before you head to sleep. :o)
Catherine~The girl with the hangover
Pardon my timezome confusion, but hopefully you'll be about to wake up horribly hung over and full of well earned regrets. Oh to be completely irresponsible...and if you weren't, please do it tonight and be naughty enough for at least 20 of us!
in the end, i only had two drinks, but it was enough to numb me a little, at least. i'll try to make up for what i missed tonight.
i hate the workplace breakdowns, because its such a walled sterile emotionally bereft environment...not exactly cushy comforting. i'm glad you got to go outside and release, and glad you had last night to release as well.
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