in which i flip the bird at the greatest generation
the partner of the therapist who turned me down who was recommended by the world famous whoopie-ologist who turned me down called me back and is seeing me tuesday. i can't tell you the relief i feel. i have an appointment!
and in case she doesn't, you know, get it, i have a back-up plan in the works. my ob's social worker called me back and asked me twenty questions, and acknowledged that my needs are "highly specialized" and that she doesn't right off know anyone suited to them, but she's going to try to find me someone now that she has a better understanding of my scenario. maybe as a licensed clinical social worker she'll have more pull getting me in somewhere than i do on my own. if she found someone qualified closer to home, i'd definitely give that person a try, since the therapist with whom i have an appointment is on the other side of town, although at this point i'd fly somewhere on the weekends to get to a good therapist.
the comments of the "highly specialized" sort from the social worker and from every therapist i've tried to see and from the insurance company case worker worry me. given the percentage of pregnancies that terminate, why aren't there more people specializing in perinatal loss? why isn't there a "supporting parents in subsequent pregnancies" specialty? is the dearth of therapeutic support the result of the traditional silence about this kind of loss? i know every generation does the best that it can, but earlier generations failed us miserably by trying to sweep it under the carpet.
i'm pretty pissed at my elders. speaking of which, don't even get me started on either of our mothers.
and in case she doesn't, you know, get it, i have a back-up plan in the works. my ob's social worker called me back and asked me twenty questions, and acknowledged that my needs are "highly specialized" and that she doesn't right off know anyone suited to them, but she's going to try to find me someone now that she has a better understanding of my scenario. maybe as a licensed clinical social worker she'll have more pull getting me in somewhere than i do on my own. if she found someone qualified closer to home, i'd definitely give that person a try, since the therapist with whom i have an appointment is on the other side of town, although at this point i'd fly somewhere on the weekends to get to a good therapist.
the comments of the "highly specialized" sort from the social worker and from every therapist i've tried to see and from the insurance company case worker worry me. given the percentage of pregnancies that terminate, why aren't there more people specializing in perinatal loss? why isn't there a "supporting parents in subsequent pregnancies" specialty? is the dearth of therapeutic support the result of the traditional silence about this kind of loss? i know every generation does the best that it can, but earlier generations failed us miserably by trying to sweep it under the carpet.
i'm pretty pissed at my elders. speaking of which, don't even get me started on either of our mothers.
posted by laura at 6:16 PM
7 Comments:
there are a mass of therapists driving cabs in Buenos Aires!
well, if i haven't found a good therapist here by january, then we're going to b.a. for our winter vacation.
I honestly don't get it either. You can probably find more shrinks treating people with bestiality issues than stillbirth/miscarriage. Ultimate taboo. WTF?
Our original grief therapist became a grief therapist because she had fertility issues and couldn't find anyone to talk to about it. So she quit her job as a radio writer, went back to University and got an MA in psychology and specialized in fertility loss issues. We were lucky that my family doctor knew her, and that we were able to afford sessions with her for a few months, but it was a shock to know that not many therapists or shrinks deal with these issues, given how common they are.
Perhaps if this teaching gig doesn't work out for me...hey I'd get to go back and get another degree! Laine's gonna kill me if he reads this ;)
I live in the land of therapy, and sometimes when I have minor clients with problems, I need to find them specialized therapists, and it's IMPOSSIBLE. Most therapists specialize in whiners with no real problems (like, for example, my therapist).
It's hard though. When I was traumatized by m/c having Asherman's, needing surgery, and the possibility of never being able to have kids and wanted to talk to my therapist about it, she spent the whole time talking about hormones and her two successful pregnancies and referred my to a psychopharmacologist because she said she couldn't help me until I was more "balanced" hormonally. I think all the crying was just too much for her.
Hopefully you will be spared that. I'm so sorry it's so painful. It is going to hurt for a really long time because you've been through one hell of a horrible time. You're wonderful though, and I love your writing.
"Perhaps if this teaching gig doesn't work out for me...hey I'd get to go back and get another degree!"
DBM - I was actually encouraging Laura to do just that the other day. It's a freakin' bloody shame that this is such a pain in the ass to sort out and that Laura is having to do all the leg work. Social workers, insurance companies, hospital chaplains, etc should have access to this stuff -or- know where to find this sort of information....
Yeah, it sucks to have to do all that stuff, although if you can keep at it it can feel pretty empowering to DO something, at least it did for me. And I ended up with another deadbabyparent so that worked out great.
Honestly I'd be a terrible therapist, though, I'm WAY too judgemental and don't have enough of a filter. I'd be like "hey, get off your ass! We talked about this last time, let's move on!" I think I know some of my limits and being a therapist might be beyond me. That being said I am a good listener, maybe there are ways therapists have to internalize all that unhelpful judgemental stuff that must get churned up. I do a brand of therapy with some of my students, so I have some experience.
Nah, I'd miss lecturing. But if I don't get to do that, maybe this would be something to consider.
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