color my world
did i mention i got my hair cut? well, i did. very butchy. i love it. also colored, which was an absolute necessity. i did not even get glanced at twice, much less carded, at the door of the show we saw the other night. just appalling. i'm certain it was because of the chorus of silver hair on my head shrieking, "noooooo! don't look at us! we're hideous!"
i started getting my hair colored when i was 20. by that time, i already had silvery threads at my temples, but i wasn't as interested in covering them as i was in exploring other personalities. blonde was fun, and the endless struggle to achieve the caramel i had as a child was an exciting way to spend an obscene amount of money, but i learned that at heart i was a redhead. why i would want red hair was incomprehensible to my mother, which of course only made me all the more determined to go ever-more-brightly red.
at 25, my career was getting serious, and i decided it was time to put away childish monthly color changes. i had my hair dyed back to my natural light-to-medium brown and then stopped coloring. i diverted my money to perfect suit/jewelry/shoe combinations.
and then one night at dinner with one of my co-workers, she waved her fork towards the crown of my head and said, "that's so pretty, the way the light catches the silver in your hair."
my hair has not been color-free since.
when justin and i met, my hair was auburn, which he loved and still considers my "natural" color. just before we left for two months in south america at the beginning of 2004, i had my bob nearly shaved off, so as to be low maintenance while we were on the road experiencing ever-changing electrical outlet scenarios making carrying the requisite number of hair dryers impossible, and i dyed my hair black.
black changed me. it allowed me to be someone i had never been, maybe because it's the one color i had never tried. the new, black-haired me was free to stop obsessing about how much older i was than justin, how different our backgrounds were, how different our tastes. black let me shed my mental dead weight. it also let me save some money; dying one's hair all-over black does not require the skilled attendance of a colorist, and i stopped going to my overpriced salon. i will forever be grateful to black.
just before hans died, when i was so discouraged, i bought a box of dark auburn at target and used it to brighten up the black a bit; my hair was still mostly black, but now with sparks in it. it cheered me up for the four days i had with my new color scheme before i learned hans was dead. but, hey, at least my hair looked sparky in the pictures of us with hans, or it would have if we had remembered to turn the camera flash on. oh, well.
maybe because i have felt like mud since february, i have kept it roughly the same color as mud, when i could be bothered to spend 45 minutes on myself. i colored right before i found out i was pregnant again, and was waiting until i got past that magical 13 week point before i risked coloring again. when i found out the pregnancy was over, i was at last free to color again, but i didn't have the energy.
it's not that i hadn't been dreaming of color. i've been envisioning a return to pure black but with fuschia streaks. i don't know why. maybe to defy my impending birthday. maybe to test my ultra conservative employer. maybe just because i can.
after last weekend's non-carding, i knew it was time to do something, anything. i let the 19-year-old who's given me my last two haircuts at a much less expensive salon near my work color my hair. it's almost, but not quite, black, with eggplant colored undertones. it has gravity, but hints at fun. it smirks at the earnestness of my employer. best of all, it's given me some psychic wiggle room.
i'm feeling okay about turning 36. i'm still messed up about hans and the tadpole, but getting pregnant again suddenly seems within my grasp. last night, i finally and decisively cleared the last of my pre-justin-era clothes from the closet.
there is hope for me yet. i understand now that i just have to keep my hair up, and everything will work out fine.
i started getting my hair colored when i was 20. by that time, i already had silvery threads at my temples, but i wasn't as interested in covering them as i was in exploring other personalities. blonde was fun, and the endless struggle to achieve the caramel i had as a child was an exciting way to spend an obscene amount of money, but i learned that at heart i was a redhead. why i would want red hair was incomprehensible to my mother, which of course only made me all the more determined to go ever-more-brightly red.
at 25, my career was getting serious, and i decided it was time to put away childish monthly color changes. i had my hair dyed back to my natural light-to-medium brown and then stopped coloring. i diverted my money to perfect suit/jewelry/shoe combinations.
and then one night at dinner with one of my co-workers, she waved her fork towards the crown of my head and said, "that's so pretty, the way the light catches the silver in your hair."
my hair has not been color-free since.
when justin and i met, my hair was auburn, which he loved and still considers my "natural" color. just before we left for two months in south america at the beginning of 2004, i had my bob nearly shaved off, so as to be low maintenance while we were on the road experiencing ever-changing electrical outlet scenarios making carrying the requisite number of hair dryers impossible, and i dyed my hair black.
black changed me. it allowed me to be someone i had never been, maybe because it's the one color i had never tried. the new, black-haired me was free to stop obsessing about how much older i was than justin, how different our backgrounds were, how different our tastes. black let me shed my mental dead weight. it also let me save some money; dying one's hair all-over black does not require the skilled attendance of a colorist, and i stopped going to my overpriced salon. i will forever be grateful to black.
just before hans died, when i was so discouraged, i bought a box of dark auburn at target and used it to brighten up the black a bit; my hair was still mostly black, but now with sparks in it. it cheered me up for the four days i had with my new color scheme before i learned hans was dead. but, hey, at least my hair looked sparky in the pictures of us with hans, or it would have if we had remembered to turn the camera flash on. oh, well.
maybe because i have felt like mud since february, i have kept it roughly the same color as mud, when i could be bothered to spend 45 minutes on myself. i colored right before i found out i was pregnant again, and was waiting until i got past that magical 13 week point before i risked coloring again. when i found out the pregnancy was over, i was at last free to color again, but i didn't have the energy.
it's not that i hadn't been dreaming of color. i've been envisioning a return to pure black but with fuschia streaks. i don't know why. maybe to defy my impending birthday. maybe to test my ultra conservative employer. maybe just because i can.
after last weekend's non-carding, i knew it was time to do something, anything. i let the 19-year-old who's given me my last two haircuts at a much less expensive salon near my work color my hair. it's almost, but not quite, black, with eggplant colored undertones. it has gravity, but hints at fun. it smirks at the earnestness of my employer. best of all, it's given me some psychic wiggle room.
i'm feeling okay about turning 36. i'm still messed up about hans and the tadpole, but getting pregnant again suddenly seems within my grasp. last night, i finally and decisively cleared the last of my pre-justin-era clothes from the closet.
there is hope for me yet. i understand now that i just have to keep my hair up, and everything will work out fine.
posted by laura at 7:15 PM
7 Comments:
It's like Cniderella. She was poor and in awful straits until she got some fabulous shoes, met a prince and lived happily ever after. It's all about the accessories ;).
The one thing I've been able to do is color my hair. But I'm on a budget so I do it myself. It's probably not as nice, but it gives me a pick-me-up when I look in the mirror and see "her" staring back at me.
Your new haircolor sounds fab. i was looking the other day at some shades I'd like to try (I recently have a new 'do that I've grown accustomed to, so the natural segue is a cool tint). I want smirky hair, too! But for now, I'm letting my silver shine on. And on.
catherine, after i gave up my salon habit, i became obsessed with how little i could spend on my hair. i once bought a box of revlon colorsilk for $1.99. i got compliments galore after i used it. i wish i could find that price again.
Colorsilk is my favorite inexpensive color treatment! I have been going reddish brown every fall for years now. This summer I went light auburn, which when the red faded was nice, but now my ash brown roots are coming in, not so nice. It's time for a fall pick-me-up.
I am very sorry to be missing your birthday bash, BTW. I hope it's a good one.
thank you, lisa - wish you would be there, too, although i'm not sure "bash" is the right word - i think it will be a bit quieter than the word "bash" would imply.
that's the problem with reds - those pesky, ashy grays foul up the whole thing. i suppose one of these days i'm going to have to give up and go ashy blonde so it will all just blend in.
I've had a white streak since I was 14, and I always thought it picked up the pinks and purples well.
Not only does your hair sound beautiful, I think you missed your calling in advertising.
I know this is a horrifically stressful time for you, and I think you should make everything that makes you feel better fit in the budget. Mani? Pedi? Anal bleaching? (Do they do that in Ohio?)
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