We're back home

We're back home. Three weeks: San Francisco, Vancouver, Bellingham/Seattle and a few days winding down (if winding down from spending 5 days in Seattle - alone - were necessary) in New York.

It's all really bittersweet: back home, in our dream house (and being able to walk around in bare feet!), yet without our son. He'd kept pretty good guard over our home, which is just great as this was his first time home alone without mom and dad.

We saw Bride and Prejudice the other night. Quite entertaining, in a cheesy Hollywood meets Bollywood sort of way. I've been thinking, maybe life would be much easier if we lived in song and dance. Just imagine it: walking down the grocery aisle and busting out into song and dance about milk and dairy. It would certainly make my return to work much easier.

I am scheduled to return to work, and everyday life as we know it, in four days. This is freaking me out. For several weeks now, we've operated pretty well in our waking hours. Days are going by, some of them really fast, and the pain of losing our son is ever changing. I won't say that it's gotten better, it's just something that is not necesarily at the point of every thought.

The thing is, we've been operating on our own schedules, with plenty of time to step back and most importantly, without the need to perform to anyone else's expectations. With the return of work comes the expectation to function according to someone elses expectations. I am just dreading all the nonsense conversations, and the non conversations, that I will inevitably have with folks who have no idea how to speak to/with me, personally or professionally.

Let's sing and dance.