monday, monday
i am sooooooo sick of dealing with the medical community.
the doctor i saw friday called; he wants me to come back in for lab tests in the morning. for my liver. wtf.
then i went through the rigmarole of getting my insurance company's approval to start seeing a therapist. i had to do it. i cried for about two hours at work today, which was made doubly awful by the fact that we moved over the weekend and in my new location i am essentially in a fishbowl. every time i look up, 80 people are looking back at me....which would be lovely if i wanted to get their attention but not so much under current circumstances. so i made the appointment for next monday.
what set me off today? the realization that my son is actually dead. despite the seeming obviousness of this fact, it seems to have only caught up with me today. really horrific timing for two months of shock to wear off.
the doctor i saw friday called; he wants me to come back in for lab tests in the morning. for my liver. wtf.
then i went through the rigmarole of getting my insurance company's approval to start seeing a therapist. i had to do it. i cried for about two hours at work today, which was made doubly awful by the fact that we moved over the weekend and in my new location i am essentially in a fishbowl. every time i look up, 80 people are looking back at me....which would be lovely if i wanted to get their attention but not so much under current circumstances. so i made the appointment for next monday.
what set me off today? the realization that my son is actually dead. despite the seeming obviousness of this fact, it seems to have only caught up with me today. really horrific timing for two months of shock to wear off.
posted by laura at 5:51 PM
2 Comments:
You know what set me off today? The fact that I was having to defend Rick Santorum, of all people, in his grieving for his own lost child.
Defending Santorum? Yuck under any other circumstances.
The shock does wear off, and then the finality of death does become inescapably real. The therapy is a good idea, so is cutting yourself a lot of slack, feeling what you feel when you feel it and the fishbowl be damned!
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