spillin' my beans about wanting to make a baby
Most of this is from a response that I posted to a friends blog. I know that Laura reads that blog, but I'm not sure if she reads the responses and such, and well, this is something that I think about everyday, so why not have it stand alone as a blog of my own? Not to mention, we're running about four to one, Laura to Justin blogging.
I look around and see children everywhere, and even in my own house, I see paint, crayons, toys, books, and games, things that I'd love to share with a child: not only any child, mind you, but my own child.
It troubles me to no end that Johannes is not in our house, and that I won't ever have a chance to share these things with him. This is quite clear, but generally, it really pains me most that there are no children in the house at all. That's what I want, and perhaps that is what I most need.
There's no replacing Johannes, as some seem to suggest in our intent to make another baby, but our family certainly has room and love enough to grow. So why wait?
Life seems as though it will always exist in terms of our time before baby death and our time after baby death, and this will always be the case, as Johannes will always be a part of our life: our children, living and dead, will always be part of our family. This is the only thing that we are certain of.
I look around and see children everywhere, and even in my own house, I see paint, crayons, toys, books, and games, things that I'd love to share with a child: not only any child, mind you, but my own child.
It troubles me to no end that Johannes is not in our house, and that I won't ever have a chance to share these things with him. This is quite clear, but generally, it really pains me most that there are no children in the house at all. That's what I want, and perhaps that is what I most need.
There's no replacing Johannes, as some seem to suggest in our intent to make another baby, but our family certainly has room and love enough to grow. So why wait?
Life seems as though it will always exist in terms of our time before baby death and our time after baby death, and this will always be the case, as Johannes will always be a part of our life: our children, living and dead, will always be part of our family. This is the only thing that we are certain of.
posted by justinian at 11:53 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Justin and Laura
Just wanted to say hello and to say how sorry I am about Johannes death.
Having a stillborn child is tragic, but I think it must be the absolute worst when he/she is your first. I am so so sorry for your loss. As you said, Johannes will always be part of your life and your family, just like Thomas is for us. Not in the way we would have chosen of course, but still a part. Wishing you peace and I'll be checking in on you guys regularly!
baby, you continually amaze me.
te amo, mi amornino
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