the state of the blog; also, the state of me
i have been sucked in by the "next blog" button this afternoon, and here are some observations about blogging:
1. spanish- and portuguese-language blogs seem to be overtaking singapore-based blogs.
2. right-wing blogs outnumber left-wing blogs 4 to 1. (i don't know if that's true; i haven't actually been keeping track; that's just what it seems like to me. and someone should do something about it. but probably not me. it's all i can do to blog about my own little crisis.)
3. the person or persons who create those blogthings polls are really scraping the bottom of the barrel of creativity.
4. i speak mostly general american english with some yankee thrown into the mix; i am 40% normal; and my inner european is french. (i can't resist those blogthings, either. damn those people.)
5. there are many bored, screwed-up and drunk people out there blogging.
***
this last week has been awful, probably the worst segment of time since hans died. as horrible as previous weeks have been, to varying degrees, this was the week that the protective bubble of shock burst on me and reality took over. accordingly, tomorrow is my first appointment with my new therapist, and i'm hoping for a "click" with him, because i don't feel like i have time to waste trying out different therapists. the next night will be the first meeting of a support group at the hospital that we will attend. the group seems to be in transition, and we have been warned by both sometimes-attender david and one of the facilitators that it may just be us and the facilitators. it may be weird, but at least it will be an outlet.
and i need an outlet for my anger. with the bursting of the bubble has come a wave of anger, and anger seems to breed more anger, and i don't have the capacity to deal with all of it.
yesterday and today have been the first two good days in as many weeks, if i can call keeping my anger to just the simmering level good. we ate our breakfast in the balcony overlooking the west side market yesterday and then shopped for the ingredients for dinner last night and tonight. zelda and her parents came for dinner last night; she enjoyed the mandarin orange cake so much she ate the oranges off my slice of cake, too. (if zelda is any indication, two is not at all terrible.) justin and i had a relaxed morning today before he had to go to work; tonight, randy is coming into town on business and will have dinner with us, albeit a slightly different dinner - last night was all about dairy, but tonight will be strictly vegan.
zelda's parents, david and toni, are also the parents of calvin, who was stillborn, too, which is how we met them. once again, it was just such a relief to talk about pregnancy and stillbirth at the same time and it be normal. probably not much about hans will come up tonight with randy, but i will be more relaxed than i was in san francisco because i understand better now how much he cares; randy has called justin every couple of days for two months to check on him and talk about music, which means the world to justin.
here's hoping for more good days than bad days.
1. spanish- and portuguese-language blogs seem to be overtaking singapore-based blogs.
2. right-wing blogs outnumber left-wing blogs 4 to 1. (i don't know if that's true; i haven't actually been keeping track; that's just what it seems like to me. and someone should do something about it. but probably not me. it's all i can do to blog about my own little crisis.)
3. the person or persons who create those blogthings polls are really scraping the bottom of the barrel of creativity.
4. i speak mostly general american english with some yankee thrown into the mix; i am 40% normal; and my inner european is french. (i can't resist those blogthings, either. damn those people.)
5. there are many bored, screwed-up and drunk people out there blogging.
***
this last week has been awful, probably the worst segment of time since hans died. as horrible as previous weeks have been, to varying degrees, this was the week that the protective bubble of shock burst on me and reality took over. accordingly, tomorrow is my first appointment with my new therapist, and i'm hoping for a "click" with him, because i don't feel like i have time to waste trying out different therapists. the next night will be the first meeting of a support group at the hospital that we will attend. the group seems to be in transition, and we have been warned by both sometimes-attender david and one of the facilitators that it may just be us and the facilitators. it may be weird, but at least it will be an outlet.
and i need an outlet for my anger. with the bursting of the bubble has come a wave of anger, and anger seems to breed more anger, and i don't have the capacity to deal with all of it.
yesterday and today have been the first two good days in as many weeks, if i can call keeping my anger to just the simmering level good. we ate our breakfast in the balcony overlooking the west side market yesterday and then shopped for the ingredients for dinner last night and tonight. zelda and her parents came for dinner last night; she enjoyed the mandarin orange cake so much she ate the oranges off my slice of cake, too. (if zelda is any indication, two is not at all terrible.) justin and i had a relaxed morning today before he had to go to work; tonight, randy is coming into town on business and will have dinner with us, albeit a slightly different dinner - last night was all about dairy, but tonight will be strictly vegan.
zelda's parents, david and toni, are also the parents of calvin, who was stillborn, too, which is how we met them. once again, it was just such a relief to talk about pregnancy and stillbirth at the same time and it be normal. probably not much about hans will come up tonight with randy, but i will be more relaxed than i was in san francisco because i understand better now how much he cares; randy has called justin every couple of days for two months to check on him and talk about music, which means the world to justin.
here's hoping for more good days than bad days.
posted by laura at 5:27 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home