feel my pain
in this report that just came out, researchers found that fetuses don't really develop the ability to experience pain until the third trimester. almost immediately, other researchers said, nuh-uh, they experience it in the second trimester, and so forth between the two camps, so that one cannot put any faith in either theory.
what pains me is that, either way, hans's death (at 40 weeks) was probably painful, at least for a little while. he was in enough distress to try to gasp for air, to no avail. even without understanding what was happening, he must have felt a sense of panic. my poor, poor baby. i wish i could have taken that feeling away from him.
looking forward, my panic over returning to the ultrasound lab grows (ha! you thought a sentence beginning with "looking forward" was going to be positive, didn't you!). on the one hand, to get to see the tadpole, and happily progressing, would do so much to turn around the bad vibes in that room. on the other hand, if the tadpole is not happily progressing - well, that will just be one sucky place.
on the one hand, my ever-increasing nausea gives me much hope. on the other hand, the giant cramp attack i had a half hour ago scares the crap out of me. more jekyll 'n hyde stuff. great.
what pains me is that, either way, hans's death (at 40 weeks) was probably painful, at least for a little while. he was in enough distress to try to gasp for air, to no avail. even without understanding what was happening, he must have felt a sense of panic. my poor, poor baby. i wish i could have taken that feeling away from him.
looking forward, my panic over returning to the ultrasound lab grows (ha! you thought a sentence beginning with "looking forward" was going to be positive, didn't you!). on the one hand, to get to see the tadpole, and happily progressing, would do so much to turn around the bad vibes in that room. on the other hand, if the tadpole is not happily progressing - well, that will just be one sucky place.
on the one hand, my ever-increasing nausea gives me much hope. on the other hand, the giant cramp attack i had a half hour ago scares the crap out of me. more jekyll 'n hyde stuff. great.
posted by laura at 6:06 PM
4 Comments:
I remember my fundy aunt giving me a poem called 'The Silent Scream' (or something like that) when I was a teenager. I don't remember anything but the theme, that it was written from the point of view of an aborted fetus. (I guess she was trying to discourage me from having sex, which would inevitably lead to skipping the pregnancy part and going right to the abortion.) I was struck at the time at how ridiculous it sounded, that this fetus was so articulate, speaking in verse about the beautiful world it would never get to see because its godless mommy killed it (presumably with a coat hanger).
Twenty or so years later, I remembered it and hoped mine didn't feel anything. Once I read that at ____ number of weeks it can cry in utero, and I felt horrible that it would cry and there was nothing I could do.
And there was nothing you could have done, either...
"the silent scream" - i had forgotten about that piece of crap. it was a whole cottage industry for a while; i think there was a movie, too, shown in evangelical churches everywhere, i'm sure. let's hope it's gone out of fashion among anti-choicers.
I shouldn't be laughing, but you calling that poem a 'piece of crap' has me cracking up! I can just hear it in your voice as you are lampooning it.
It's amazing how something like an ultrasound can bring such terror to us now isn't it? I think my biggest fear was of the doppler. I would hold my breath and not even know I was doing it until my dr would point it out to me. The tadpole is doing great and this time the ultrasound will prove that. I really believe that.
As far as thinking about whether or not they were in pain, I just can't do it. I can't let my mind go there. It tries sometimes, but I work my ass off to think of ANYTHING else.
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