in which tuesday is very monday-like

i woke up still feeling lighter and went downstairs to put leftover pancakes from sunday in the toaster oven. then i noticed a lovely, warm ball of light in the toaster oven; the toaster oven was on fire.

last week my mom told me she was getting us a new toaster oven for christmas because my ten-year-old one had so much crap in the bottom that it was a fire hazard. she repeated this claim several times. i admit, it does look like we laid a nice layer of charcoal in the bottom. and then two days after she leaves, her prophecy comes true.

maybe the compensation for her occasionally having questionable, age-impaired judgement is to occasionally have prophetic visions.

i turned the oven off and watched while the fire gradually choked out, then i inadequately heated the rest of the pancakes in the microwave, much to justin's utter delight. serves him right. he dropped a big glob of pizza cheese in there yesterday and meant to clean it up but forgot. we could have died. our house and everything in it is made of wood, for pete's sake.

as i got ready to walk downstairs, i felt the wave, and dashed to the bathroom in time to vomit in the sink, as the toilet was currently occupied by firestarter jr. actually, the sink is my most frequent target, since the brushing of teeth often inspires nausea, followed by the shower - hey, that's where it happens, okay? the toilet is a distant third.

i cleaned up and mumbled to justin, "well, maybe that will be all for today." just as he said, "huh?", i whirled around and unloaded all of my pancakes, my orange juice, and, i'm certain, my prenatal vitamin. for the second day in a row. i'm afraid of overloading on vitamin a if i take another vitamin, in case by some narrow chance the first vitamin had already disintegrated into my system. but now it's happened two days in a row.

there goes the tadpole's other eye.

the second round (i like to think of it as my long program, after my short program with fewer jumps and spins) was aggressive enough to cause a sponging down, a change of clothes, and a late arrival at work. no one said a word. i was probably just that green.

usually, once i have a good round of upchucking, i can coast through the rest of the day, even if i feel a little shaky. but today i had the shakes and undending nausea. the reglan did not stem the tide and it made me drowsy. on the drug company's website, it says one of the "less serious side effects" is "confusion". i think i've got that one.

i called justin to complain and he told me to call my ob. but honestly, can't i just have ONE WEEK of pregnancy that does not require medical attention??? and then, you know, actual work took over, and i didn't get the call made, so instead i left early and came home for my favorite remedy - laying on the bed and moaning. such a shame it's no where near as dirty as it sounds. and now i'm pretty sure i'm running a fever again; i got rid of the thermometer a few months ago to quell the urge to temp and chart and thereby save my sanity, so i can't be sure, but i'm red and hot (again, just not that dirty) and woozy.

of course, on saturday the tylenol bottle came uncapped in my purse, so all the tylenol i have are covered in black, slightly curly, leather lint; the sight of them is not good for nausea. so i interrupted my laying and moaning to call justin to tell him how i am, and he offered to check the first aid stash at work. he called me back and said, "i've got the stuff." my husband, my dealer. i said, "so you're gonna hook me up?" and he says [in monotone], "meet me at the barn."

there was a pause. i said, "uh, you DO know we live in a city, right?" he informed me "barn" was code. i'm not really sure for what. but he loves me enought to steal tylenol from work, so whatever. let him be dorky.

justin won't be home until 10:00, so in the mean time i thought i'd take a room-temperature bath, only i came in the bathroom and there's a rust-colored stain in the tub that i'm sure wasn't there this morning, and in the middle of it is a dead bug. ix-nay on the ath-bay. so now i'm sitting naked on the toilet (still not dirty), trying to decide if i can handle a lukewarm shower. and when i took off my shirt, i tried to throw it across the room into the existing pile of dirty clothes, but i came up short and it landed on top of the syrupy plates from this morning's breakfast, still sitting on the floor at the top of the stairs waiting to be taken down.

please god, just let this day be over.