but wait! there's more!

no sooner did i make my last post than i instantly thought of a bazillion other things i want to get out of my system, but since i just finished an encyclopedia, i thought i'd give it a bit before i hit you, dear reader, with more. but i'm impatient, plus i can't sit downstairs and watch tv, because my in-laws are working on my carriage house and it would look bad to lounge on the couch while they were sweating away, even if i can't be back there because when i work like that i bleed heavily, so the only place i can chill out is upstairs, and the computer was up here, so here goes:

1. i hate the fact that i will be 36 in 16 days. no, that's not exactly it; i hate that the fact that i am almost 36 is fucking up our lives. i like to pretend i am about 10 years younger (as people often misjudge), or at least the same age as justin (who is nearly 8 years younger). if i were 8 or 10 years younger, the chances of losing the tadpole would have been so much less, and the likely cause (trisomy) even less still. i know that justin loves me, but the fact remains that if he had married someone more age-appropriate, he would almost certainly not be in this boat. i told him how sorry i was that my old ass was killing our babies and that i wished he could have been with someone less risky, which, to his credit, upset him greatly. he assured me that he wanted to be with me and not with someone younger and that he wanted to go through this together. as dear sweet coalminer reminded me today, i am lucky in love.
2. on the good news front, when they did my pre-op bloodwork, the jk-b factor antibody that showed up after hans's birth did not show up at all, which makes it almost completely unlikely to be any threat to the next child we have that actually makes to the second half of its gestation. woo-hoo!
3. in less good news, my iv spot is still festering and generally pissing me off. there is about a three-inch section of vein, from the base of my palm shooting up my wrist, that is raised and hard and bruised. i've had about enough of that, thank you.
4. in mental health news, i decided not to ask my dr for serzone or anything else sunshine-inducing on monday. i'm doing okay. i'm sad, really, really sad, but i'm not broken, which is how i felt after hans. i feel battered but strong. i'm not ruling it out permanently, but i don't think i'm going to need it for now. it feels good to be stronger than my depression, dammit.
5. because of the absurd weather we are having, there are mosquitos working the neighborhood at dusk, and they focused their attack on my modestly-covered person last night, quite successfully. i even have a bite on my boob. how that is even possible eludes me. but they must be stopped. off with their heads!
6. i am so grossed out that katie holmes is pregnant by tom cruise, or whomever. it's so awful i don't even want to make jokes. ewwwwwwww. (shudder)
7. every time my father-in-law runs the saw in the carriage house, my light and a/c in this house flicker. i wasn't really dying to blog about this fact earlier. i just thought it was interesting. now that i write it, i see it really isn't.
8. we're having portobello french dips for dinner because i was craving a real, philadelphia, italian hot beef sandwich today, and when i tried to explain it to justin, it reminded him of when i used to make him french dips with mushrooms, which i haven't done in ages, so i did it tonight. because i'm still (mentally) struggling with the eating of all things green and vegetables generally, we are going to get some plant content from berry smoothies. and really, can you imagine anything better than a hot, juicy, seasoned portobello sandwich and frozen strawberries and blueberries and blackberries headed down your gullet? well, i can't.