what i'm thinking about when i have too much time on my hands
amazing how much time we have to blog when we're sitting around waiting for a miscarriage to occur.
no action on that front today, though. i had a little pinkish tinge yesterday afternoon, but nothing today. i just feel crampy and sort of pre-menstrual. i think it's like that pre-menstrual feeling; it's been so long since i've actually been pre-menstrual that i can hardly remember it. i've also had a lovely case of diarrhea; i was thinking maybe it was my body evacuating everything preparing for the delivery (if you will) of the fetal tissue, and then i remembered that i drank half a bottle of wine last night, which is no doubt the cause of my intestinal distress. i should have known that my body wouldn't be so efficient as to coordinate such a practical activity.
i was thinking this morning about my twins dreams early in this pregnancy. in them, one twin was always a healthy size and the other was tiny. i think now that the big one was hans and the tiny one was the tadpole. i just interpreted two babies as twins.
i need to get in the shower and get ready to go the sharon jones show, but i'm dragging my more-than-ample tail. people get all decked out when they go to her shows; this is not a jeans-and-t-shirt event. but i don't feel like getting decked out. i was going to wear my new black shimmery maternity dress and the shoes i didn't find thursday night but had hoped to find this afternoon when i had planned to go shopping with kath. now, i want to wear jeans and a t-shirt and just sit back and soak in the music.
i made dark chocolate chip cookies this afternoon under the pretense that justin would need something to put out for the visitors we will inevitably have the next few days. but honestly, i just wanted cookies. i ate three of them, with some chocolate soy milk, and that was on top of the raw dough i ate while i was making them. one more freedom i suddenly and unexpectedly have - the freedom to infect only myself with salmonella if i so choose.
no action on that front today, though. i had a little pinkish tinge yesterday afternoon, but nothing today. i just feel crampy and sort of pre-menstrual. i think it's like that pre-menstrual feeling; it's been so long since i've actually been pre-menstrual that i can hardly remember it. i've also had a lovely case of diarrhea; i was thinking maybe it was my body evacuating everything preparing for the delivery (if you will) of the fetal tissue, and then i remembered that i drank half a bottle of wine last night, which is no doubt the cause of my intestinal distress. i should have known that my body wouldn't be so efficient as to coordinate such a practical activity.
i was thinking this morning about my twins dreams early in this pregnancy. in them, one twin was always a healthy size and the other was tiny. i think now that the big one was hans and the tiny one was the tadpole. i just interpreted two babies as twins.
i need to get in the shower and get ready to go the sharon jones show, but i'm dragging my more-than-ample tail. people get all decked out when they go to her shows; this is not a jeans-and-t-shirt event. but i don't feel like getting decked out. i was going to wear my new black shimmery maternity dress and the shoes i didn't find thursday night but had hoped to find this afternoon when i had planned to go shopping with kath. now, i want to wear jeans and a t-shirt and just sit back and soak in the music.
i made dark chocolate chip cookies this afternoon under the pretense that justin would need something to put out for the visitors we will inevitably have the next few days. but honestly, i just wanted cookies. i ate three of them, with some chocolate soy milk, and that was on top of the raw dough i ate while i was making them. one more freedom i suddenly and unexpectedly have - the freedom to infect only myself with salmonella if i so choose.
posted by laura at 7:26 PM
7 Comments:
I just discovered this horrible news a few minutes ago through Jill's blog, but even though I'm late I wanted to tell you both how sorry I am. I don't know why some people have pain heaped upon pain, but I know it's the farthest thing from fair I know. I'm glad you ate three cookies and drank a half a bottle of wine the other night. I'm glad you're treating yourself and doing what you can to find comfort. Lots of (((((HUGS)))) and again, I'm so very sorry...
Just wanted to wish you the best for the D&C tomorrow. I understand if you don't feel like posting for a few days, although some posts produced immediately after you get home might be unintentionally funny.
I'm so sorry it's come to this. xoxox
Thinking of you and Justin and sending you love and support today and tomorrow.
May you find peace and recovery and space to mourn.
I am so sorry to hear about the tadpole! I haven’t been online since Friday and didn’t see your post towards the end of the day. FUCK! That is the only satisfying word (I agree with the others who’ve used it and you!) to use in this situation.
I hope that everything goes well today and you don’t have any added crap to deal with, besides the expected. Hugs, Sarah
Thinking of you and hoping the d&c goes quickly and smoothly.
It is bloody phenomenal just how much time you can find to blog waiting for a miscarriage isn't it? Just amazing. With any luck you'll never have so much time on your hands again.
Sending you both love and peace ((hugs))
Thinking of you.
Don't be surprised if you ask them to show you the "products of conception" and it looks like cranberry juice, and then they bring you some cranberry juice.
I hope today feels like a new beginning. ((hugs))
Post a Comment
<< Home