the strategy for avoiding holiday cheer

yikes. i was feeling a bit snappish as i wrote my last post. i see that in the haste of my anger i referred to the tadpole as a "side" of sweet potato, rather than the size of one. or maybe i was just hungry.

i'm over it now, maybe because i'm focused on the holiday. my co-worker in a southern city whose daughter died shortly after birth this summer called me today to see how the holidays were going, because hers were sucking. she feels like i do - so not in the mood for communal celebrations - but nonetheless will be cooking for the 24 people her husband has invited for dinner. i told her if she can't get out of it at this late date, then she deserved drugs. she told me she has a prescription for xanax she's never filled. i assured her the time is now. if anyone deserves it, she does.

although saturday (our private thanksgiving day) was emotional, our overall holiday strategy is working for us, i think. when i was first pregnant with the tadpole, justin and a friend planned a last-chance, pre-fatherhood trek across the czech republic, following their favorite czech band. i agreed to it, because i know how much fun it would be for justin, and figured it would be a good time to go to my mom's and then be done with traveling for the holidays.

now, though, my brother has announced he is not coming to my mother's for this or any holiday this year, and my sister will be popping in briefly before going to her in-laws', plus she has to work on friday. and the last straw - i couldn't get a flight home.

so i proposed to my mother that we chuck it all and meet in new york. and she agreed. so our big plan is:

• wednesday night - we meet in newark, take the train to manhattan, check into our hotel (within a block of the parade route, i think), go to bed early.
• thursday morning - get up eeeeeeeeearly, go to the macy's parade. with the masses. in the rain. i'm taking the video camera.
• thursday afternoon - justin will fly into newark, meet us in manhattan for thanksgiving dinner, then fly out of jfk.
• thursday night - my mother and i will look at lights and sights if we have any energy left.
• friday morning - if we can get up, maybe the today show. if not, a little shopping, and lunch, then back to newark.
• friday afternoon - we fly back to our respective homes.

my mother is 63, and has not been to new york since she was a child, so i really hope this is a magical visit for her. i am thankful to just have an agenda, and for it to not involve sitting around a table with people who love me but either (a) do not get why i'm still a bit mopy or (b) analyze my every move for traces of anger [and report it back to my mom if she's not present].

then i'll have saturday to myself to lay around and watch movies or go to them, and sunday i'm hanging out with my friend kath, and monday night justin will be home. in case he needs the extra time for travel troubles, he has tuesday off, too, so tuesday when i get off work we are going to go out and maybe see the new johnny cash biopic.

then we just have to get through christmas and we're home free.