greater cleveland, jumbo shrimp, and other oxymorons

today's oxymorons: cautious enthusiasm and subdued joy.

z's nuchal fold scan went pretty well. it's measuring 12w0d or 12w1d, depending on the angle, which is the first time i've ever had a child measure on schedule, so let me hear a big yahoo out there for that milestone! also, the nuchal fold measurement was a 15 (whatever that means); the peri's translation was that i walked in with a 1 in 150 chance of down's, given my age (36), and based on the measurement, my risk went down to 1 in 600, or that of a 30 year old mother.

i guess the younger husband thing is paying off in keeping-me-young-ness.

the thing that keeps my joy contained: z's heartrate was high, in the 180s. when pressed, the peri admitted that there is some data suggesting a correlation between high heart rate and some trisomies as well as turner's syndrome, but that it was weak and muddled. we'll begin the anatomical study in a couple of weeks, which will give us more data, and then there's the quad screen coming up, although she'd like me to wait four weeks (instead of the planned three) for optimal results.

i would prefer not to do the amnio, since i am averse to the risk of it, but if the study or the screen give us any further concern, then we'll likely do it. i don't relish the thought of not only the risk but getting poked with that dastardly needle, but if i do end up having it, i at least learned from the first time to take off my wedding ring first so whoever is holding my hand doesn't cause the additional pain of having it squeezed against my ring.

of course, i consulted dr google this afternoon on the correlation between high heart rate and chromosomal abnormalities, but i didn't find much, especially compared to the data on low heart rate. i did learn that the possible correlations are to trisomies 21 and 13 (as well as turner's); 21 is down's, which i feel fairly comfortable with having ruled out today; 13 is one of those abnormalities not compatible with life. which, you know, would be kind of supremely sucky. turner's is the absence of one of the two X chromosomes in girls; turner's girls are generally treated with growth and estrogen hormone therapy, so that in all but the most serious cases they are rarely distinguishable from women with two Xs, but there is also often accompanying heart or kidney problems. so, turner's - not ideal, but manageable.

i calmed down considerably when i remembered that 12 days ago, z's heartrate measured a much healthier 165 - which forces me to acknowledge that the high readings today were almost certainly the result of my anxiety and not a problem with z. and i was highly anxious today going into the scan.

so more yoga for me, more overly brisk walking, more relaxation and meditation, and no going off the buspar for now. justin - it's time for us to watch the prenatal massage dvd. and best of all - the doppler arrived today! if we can measure at home, and the heart rate is more reasonable, then i'll have less cause for worry, which will help me not cause z's heartrate to surge again - the happiest and least vicious sort of circle, don't you think?

there was a moment of pure joy today, when the sonographer got a good head-on look at z's glowing jack-a-lantern of a face, and said, "hi, baby!" at that moment, z waved its hand like mr hanky the christmas poo from "south park". i could practically hear it saying, "hiiiiiiiii-dy ho, everybody!" i know z could hardly be responding to a greeting - more likely, it was trying to swat away those annoying ultrasound vibrations - but it looked like it, and it was wonderful.

now - deep breaths.