blame it on the rain

august of 2001, justin and i went to spanish school in nicaragua. the family i lived with had a tin roof on their house, and every afternoon, right after lunch, while i had a little nap, the rain would beat against that tin roof, and i thought i was in heaven - even if i was laying on basically a board with a blanket on it and staring at the pictures of britney spears and korn with which the family's teen-aged sons had papered the walls.

this afternoon, it has rained off and on, and even in the crappy office park-y building in which i work, the rain has been loud enough to penetrate the layers of wire and goose shit and whatever else separates me from the sky, loud enough to make conversation difficult at times. every work day should be like this. just so it stops raining before i walk outside, of course.

our bedroom is in what was originally the attic of our 130-year-old house, and when it rains hard enough, or it rains on a day warm enough to keep the windows open, there's no better sleeping. i look forward to a night filled with spring rain. we could both use an extra good night's sleep.

the things keeping me awake at night:

• the amendment to our tax return, with which we have to give the irs back over $4000 in excess refund. at least we knew there was a problem early on and set the money aside. and today, i finished the amendment, so woohoo! glad to have that off my back.
• my grades. i only got an 88 on my make-up exam, which was disappointing, since i thought i did better, but i got a 5 point curve, and it's still better than the 40 i probably would have gotten if i had taken the test unprepared, or the zero if i hadn't taken it at all. i'm surprised to find the academically competitive 15-year-old in me still alive and kicking.
• the physicality of this pregnancy has officially kicked in. my balance is off. if i don't stand up straight, my hip goes - i don't know - somewhere it's not designed to go, and it hurts. when i walk, i feel the pressure on my pelvic bones. and where milo is, my belly lumps up, throwing off my symmetry. i love feeling him move, and feeling him punch back whenever he gets poked, but i had forgotten the physical burden and the weirdness of having an actual living thing inside me. milo is no longer an image on a monitor, waving at us as from a porthole on a ship. he is in me. god or mother nature or evolution or whoever has a bizarre sense of humor.
• the pregnancy-wacko dreams are increasing. many of them involve serious screaming. the weirdest one this week: my sister and i decided to get married. you know, to each other. it was a last-minute, informal thing, and just before the ceremony, my mom and i looked at each other and realized we had forgotten to order the cake. no worries, though - we just asked our friend christina to go pick something up from the store during the ceremony. our friend christina aguilera. and then in my dream i woke up alone in a bed full of water.

too bad i can't drink before i go to bed.