payback, or where did all the wiggle go?
i'm sorry i complained about milo poking my cervix yesterday. i would give anything for him to be poking it today, dammit, but no. he didn't do his usual 8:15 am stretches, no after-breakfast gymnastics, no loud music in the car jamming. instead, i felt crampy all morning. i was, ahem, explosively sick last night, so i took the feeling this morning as the result of all that, uh, explosiveness and went to work. all morning, though, i kept getting crampy twinges, and combined with no movement after yesterday's utero-palooza, i started stressing.
so i went home for lunch, trying to talk milo into kicking for the 25 minutes it took to get home. justin was about to get in the shower, but he waited while i turned on and gelled up the doppler. of course, the second i touched the wand to my belly, there was his heartbeat, loud and strong and consistent. after i listened for a minute, i turned it off and started to cry. justin did his own freak-out.
i haven't felt this kind of panic since about nine weeks. it sucks elephant balls. i don't know how to not feel it.
after we got ourselves together, we shared a sandwich and a pear and i took justin to the train before i headed back to work. we decided to try carrying the doppler with me to work, so if i get worried, i don't have to go all the way home. the restroom would be weird, and i can just see someone getting freaked out when they walk past my car in the parking lot and see me in it with my pants pulled down to just above my hoo-ha and using a little wandy thing. i don't need to have to have a sit-down with anyone in human resources, you know? but we have a nursing room, with a key, that moms check out when they need to pump. it's private, and locked, and it has a good recliner in it, which should work just fine. i'm going to check into getting on the approved key checker-outer list tomorrow. they don't have to know i'm a freak; i'm just going to say i need to do monitoring that involves exposing some skin, and i think they'll happily sign me up just to avoid me explaining any further. very midwestern and scared of skin in this building. should work to my advantage.
milo started moving shortly after i dopplered, and has moved - mildly - off and on the rest of the day, to which i say, hallelujah, and yea for the doppler, which kept me out of labor & delivery with my freakout. i guess after all that activity yesterday, he was just tired and needed a good long sleep. i'm going to go home now and get myself one of those good long sleeps, too. worry wears me out.
so i went home for lunch, trying to talk milo into kicking for the 25 minutes it took to get home. justin was about to get in the shower, but he waited while i turned on and gelled up the doppler. of course, the second i touched the wand to my belly, there was his heartbeat, loud and strong and consistent. after i listened for a minute, i turned it off and started to cry. justin did his own freak-out.
i haven't felt this kind of panic since about nine weeks. it sucks elephant balls. i don't know how to not feel it.
after we got ourselves together, we shared a sandwich and a pear and i took justin to the train before i headed back to work. we decided to try carrying the doppler with me to work, so if i get worried, i don't have to go all the way home. the restroom would be weird, and i can just see someone getting freaked out when they walk past my car in the parking lot and see me in it with my pants pulled down to just above my hoo-ha and using a little wandy thing. i don't need to have to have a sit-down with anyone in human resources, you know? but we have a nursing room, with a key, that moms check out when they need to pump. it's private, and locked, and it has a good recliner in it, which should work just fine. i'm going to check into getting on the approved key checker-outer list tomorrow. they don't have to know i'm a freak; i'm just going to say i need to do monitoring that involves exposing some skin, and i think they'll happily sign me up just to avoid me explaining any further. very midwestern and scared of skin in this building. should work to my advantage.
milo started moving shortly after i dopplered, and has moved - mildly - off and on the rest of the day, to which i say, hallelujah, and yea for the doppler, which kept me out of labor & delivery with my freakout. i guess after all that activity yesterday, he was just tired and needed a good long sleep. i'm going to go home now and get myself one of those good long sleeps, too. worry wears me out.
posted by laura at 6:42 PM
8 Comments:
Sleep well. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Perfectly understandable that you wouldworry/panic. I don't know how many times I've poked O in his sleep to make sure he is still breathing!
I struggle with the sporadic movements of my babies too. The doppler is a lifesaver, that's for sure. Glad to hear Milo is beebopping around in there again!
That must have been terrifying! I'm so glad that Milo is moving around again. Maybe he's just resting up for a big growth spurt? Hope you had a big rest and are feeling better today.
I am sorry ((((((hugs))))). There is no way not to feel the panic. Even with the doppler at home sometimes i would go to the OB for extra monitoring/us just because Chloe was not moving as much for a few days or whatever. When are they going to start you on NST's? I started at 30 weeks and i did find that having them helped stay the panic some.
kate, i think we're starting the nsts at 32 weeks, 2x/week. on the one hand, i say, let's get'em started, but on the other hand i'm dubious about their worth. i had them 1x/week with hans, and he died in between anyway. but at least 2x/week will be a little better.
Lauralu -- yeah, i am not sure that their worth is so great really, from a diagnostic perspective. But they definitely did calm me down, so that in itself was totally worth it.
Hey, how are you and Milo? You haven't posted for a couple of days. Thinking of you:)
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