what to read the first year
back at the library, between the elderly woman in yankees cap and white goatee and the 13-year-old girl writing her class president campaign speech with the unfortunate help of a friend whose suggestions consist of lewd lyrics from rap songs - our computer appears to be beyond repair, or at least extremely expensive repair. i suppose it's good for me - i'm limited to 30-60 minutes, every other day, and therefore cannot lose hours of my life to the computer. but it's not like i was spending hours online since the arrival of young milo, and the downside is that when i have concerns - which, let's be honest, is pretty much hourly - i can't just go look them up and put my mind at ease.
instead, i'm trying to rely on books: "heading home with your newborn," "what to expect the first year" and "your baby's first year week by week," the last one being particularly heinous with its out-of-date suggestions and condescending tone. "heading home" was good but we're past that point. the "what to expect" book is fine, but what is missing from these books (and all the others i've perused and rejected) is how to parent a subsequent baby when you're paranoid 24 hours a day that said subsequent baby has gone the way of his older brother. will there be a day when i can be alone with milo in the car for more than 10 minutes without having to pull over to make sure he's breathing? he must be tired of me reaching back to rub his head to make him wake up enough to fuss.
on a happier note, milo granted me with his first responsive smile, wednesday evening, at caffe roma, while we waited for our friends to meet us for dessert. is there anything better, ever, in the history of the universe? i think not. this morning he was reclining on my raised thighs while i entertained him with the soft yellow lamb my dad gave him, whom i call "lammy davis junior" and for which i talk in a voice disturbingly like al jolson. luckily, milo doesn't have enough of a frame of reference yet to realize how cheesy i am; he just thinks it's funny. bless his heart.
instead, i'm trying to rely on books: "heading home with your newborn," "what to expect the first year" and "your baby's first year week by week," the last one being particularly heinous with its out-of-date suggestions and condescending tone. "heading home" was good but we're past that point. the "what to expect" book is fine, but what is missing from these books (and all the others i've perused and rejected) is how to parent a subsequent baby when you're paranoid 24 hours a day that said subsequent baby has gone the way of his older brother. will there be a day when i can be alone with milo in the car for more than 10 minutes without having to pull over to make sure he's breathing? he must be tired of me reaching back to rub his head to make him wake up enough to fuss.
on a happier note, milo granted me with his first responsive smile, wednesday evening, at caffe roma, while we waited for our friends to meet us for dessert. is there anything better, ever, in the history of the universe? i think not. this morning he was reclining on my raised thighs while i entertained him with the soft yellow lamb my dad gave him, whom i call "lammy davis junior" and for which i talk in a voice disturbingly like al jolson. luckily, milo doesn't have enough of a frame of reference yet to realize how cheesy i am; he just thinks it's funny. bless his heart.
posted by laura at 11:45 AM
13 Comments:
LOL. We did that too a lot in the beginning. We'd be driving somewhere and have to pull over to make sure he was still alive. Honestly, I kind of think that all new parents have those fears. Well, maybe. That's what I tell myself anyway.
It really does get better. And as he gets older he will make more noise and be awake more so you'll know he's still alive. At first I really could not sleep at all. I was constantly terrified that he was going to die. But it gets better and better. Now we check on him once before we go to sleep and we can rest easy until morning. It just took some time.
Pictures of a smile, perhaps?? :)
(and hi, btw... sorry I've been a stranger!!)
If you find a book that is at all useful for parenting a subsequent child after loss, POST THE TITLE IMMEDIATELY. Other than that little directive, I am glad to see you back a bit more regularly, even if it is from a library computer.
you think the smiles are good? wait til he sees some part of your body and starts waving his hand around wildly til he hits you and grabs you. you know, like he's chosen to touch you. it's very cool.
And all child rearing books are at least a little condescending and often very unhelpful generally. also, caitlin has had her head unceremoniously wiggled from the front seat on many occasions, you know, just to check her airways are still open. a fear exaggerated by the aforementioned books.
glad you and he are having such a great time together:)
'...the soft yellow lamb my dad gave him, whom i call "lammy davis junior" and for which i talk in a voice disturbingly like al jolson.'
*coming up for air after laughing*
Yeah we did that too. I didn't pull over though, i would just reach back and feel for her chest moving. And for sleeping at night we had the motion monitor which helped alot. I am alot less nervous now that Chloe is two -- dh is still freaked out, though now he is convinced she is going to choke to death on some salty snack, rather than just stop breathing. Sigh.
I do hope you get your computer back soon though! So that we can have more pictures, more pictures, more Milo pictures!
Oh sweet smiley boy. I so wish I could meet you all!
I don't know what I would have done without the fabulous internets. We got DSL expressly because I felt so isolated. Do you have a craigslist? Maybe a wonderful new computer will fall to you from the sky. I hope so.
Hurrah for smiles! May laughter soon follow.
Burn the books, trust yourself. Those damn books made us nuts, ok more nuts than we already are.
OK, sorry, I just realized how stupid it was of me to suggest that you look on the internet to find a computer.
Sorry.
Don't ask me, sister. I'm the one who was so terrified of SIDS I was going to get one of those angelcare monitors. Then when the kid outgrows that danger, other ones take its place. JUST ENJOY HIM!
delurking. big, gigantic congratulations on the safe arrival of your baby. i can't even fathom how that must feel. sounds like a whirlwind of emotions all at once.
after my son was born, before my disasters, i was so terrified of something happening to him. i had some really good, super-hormonal cries at the thought of it.
i realized after a while that i would always be afraid of what could happen to him. the only thing i can do is love him a little extra each day, which i forget to do and i say things like, "Y'know i've still got the orphanage on speed-dial, buster."
It's called the present because it's a gift, right? Blah,blah,blah.
I still wish i'd taken his tiny handprints and feetprints. I have dead baby ones but not live. Next time.
The fucked up thing, whatthefeck, is that at hospital, they don't print living babies feet and hands. Atleast not at our hospital, which gave us prints of our dead baby, "because this way, you can feel a little bit more normal".
Fuck, maybe tonight I'll go and dip our boys hands in all sorts of pant and touch his hands/feet to the wall.
Jesus you guys. I just read your posts about the death of your firstborn. What a big, snotty cry I just had. Heartbreaking. Thank God (or whoever) that Milo arrived safely. I know that doesn't take away the pain of the epoch disaster but i'm so glad that you both at long last have a baby to bring from the bassinet into your bed with you.
I posted earlier about the hand and footprints but it didn't show up. Our hospital didn't give us prints of our living babies either. Go figure. Next time.
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