4 months

milo was four months old on friday, and no one is more surprised than me. he is insanely beautiful, an incessant chatterbox, willful and charming, and the sunshine of my soul. he's also getting quite tubby; he looks like a regular baby now and not like a marathon runner, which was interesting but scary for the first three months. after not wanting to put him in his crib because he seemed lost in it, he now seems almost too big for it; he can't roll over without getting himself tangled in the spindles or rolling into his aquarium mounted on the side. and he's starting to outgrow his three-month sized clothes - who would have ever thought we'd get to this point??? despite the fact that he thrives, i'm continually amazed that he isn't dead. does this neurosis ever end?

he is fascinated by the christmas trees and the lights; i bought a three-foot tree for him and decorated it in plastic ornaments, tied with short ribbons and no wire hangers, and we put him in the bumbo seat and pull him right up into the tree, and he rubs the satiny stars and pulls the metallic snowflakes to his mouth and lets the branches brush his arms, and he squeals in delight at all of it.

his new trick is that when i hold his hand while he reclines, he can pull himself up to sitting. and he's so, so interested in what we eat and drink; this week i started to put my glass to his mouth, to get used to the feel of it, and to play with a fat plastic spoon, and this morning i put his froggy dishes on his highchair tray while my mom and i ate breakfast, and he talked with great insistence about who-knows-what to the big eyes on the frog bowl.

as i write, he rests in the play yard in the next room, satiated from both of his beloved boobie-friends and a bottle chaser, talking to the brown bears in red overalls hanging from the mobile. the world is haywire right now - not just the world at large, but my own little world, with the daily drama of the execution of my father's will and my struggle to deal with the fallout - but i still have unbelievable joy, courtesy of the boy formerly known as little z. i may be the luckiest person on the planet.

*****

we have finally purchased a new camera, one more worthy of milo's gorgeousness than the piece of crap we've been carrying around on our travels because it would be no big loss if it were stolen or lost. the new picture quality is estupendo, but i'm waiting to work with them on my brand-new, custom-configured macbook, which should arrive on tuesday. our old laptop is dead, dead, dead, so we needed a new one anyway, and my mom and her desktop computer won't be with us forever, and getting an apple is my one splurge from the proceeds of my father's life insurance. i'm being completely responsible with the rest of my inheritance, such as it is - i promise. so look for new, completely fabulous pictures of milo to be posted by the end of the week.

milo has decided in his infinite wisdom to forego the nap he needs, and since justin is at work and my mom is at church, i alone am at his beck and call. i'm off to read "the snowy day" for the 80th time.