behind; lactation machination; i take on an intern
no time, no energy. i'm working on letting go of what doesn't matter and just being in the moment with what matters most (justin and milo). but it's hard, hard work.
christmas was bittersweet. milo was cool, my nephew was cool, hans's absence was very uncool. it was a minefield for both of us. on christmas day we had one of those horrible state-of-the-relationship fights, in the car in front of justin's grandmother's house. i wouldn't recommend it.
but we survived it. and although milo has picked up a nasty case of bronchiolitis, and justin has the flu, and i slipped on the stairs and slid all the way down with my foot tucked under me and have a dramatic, tie-dye-looking sprain and major rug burn, and we had to drop our plans for our traditional new year's day party, we're doing all right. justin and i are checking out gyms (my goal: lose 30 lbs by milo's 1st birthday) and milo is getting his own exercise by kicking everything. the crib mattress, all night long. the car seat. the play mat. the dining table. us. he's finally starting to aim his kicking a little and has figured out how to kick on his aquarium, which at least saves us having to get up every five minutes to re-start it. life is good.
we're even getting a little adult time, here and there. or at least, we thought we were. after this morning's very special mommy and daddy time, we looked up to this:
is it just me, or does it look like he's judging us?
still, with that face, who can resist bringing him to bed with us? i know, i know - at some point, we're going to have to break the habit. we'll also have to deal with the daily 4 am feeding in our bed that turns into him sleeping with us until we get up. but it's sure sweet for now.
***********************
the whole lactation thing has been kinda getting me down. another woman in my building at work (whose son was born six weeks after milo) came back to work this week; her son weighs significantly more than milo, and he's 100% breast-fed, and (as i found in the mother's room fridge) she pumps twice what i do. i've already been frustrated by my inability to provide his complete milk needs, but this in-my-face comparison was the breaking point. so i called the lactation consultant, and then my ob, and he ordered the labs for me. that day, i pumped the least i'd ever pumped at work, and it was a horrible, dark yellowy-green, and i cried all day at work. and the next day, i pumped a record amount, and it was lovely and white and creamy and fatty, and yesterday i pumped even more fabulousness, and then the test results came back fine. i don't know why the sudden change, except that i felt better for taking some action. i'm still not pumping enough, but i'm producing about 30% more than i was, and i've ruled out scary diseases, so everyone wins. i suspect our problems the first month were because of my raging anxiety, and once it subsided my supply never recovered. but milo's thriving, i'm healthy, and i'm not doing this again. so i'm going to worry about other things.
***********************
milo helps mommy write this post:
christmas was bittersweet. milo was cool, my nephew was cool, hans's absence was very uncool. it was a minefield for both of us. on christmas day we had one of those horrible state-of-the-relationship fights, in the car in front of justin's grandmother's house. i wouldn't recommend it.
but we survived it. and although milo has picked up a nasty case of bronchiolitis, and justin has the flu, and i slipped on the stairs and slid all the way down with my foot tucked under me and have a dramatic, tie-dye-looking sprain and major rug burn, and we had to drop our plans for our traditional new year's day party, we're doing all right. justin and i are checking out gyms (my goal: lose 30 lbs by milo's 1st birthday) and milo is getting his own exercise by kicking everything. the crib mattress, all night long. the car seat. the play mat. the dining table. us. he's finally starting to aim his kicking a little and has figured out how to kick on his aquarium, which at least saves us having to get up every five minutes to re-start it. life is good.
we're even getting a little adult time, here and there. or at least, we thought we were. after this morning's very special mommy and daddy time, we looked up to this:
is it just me, or does it look like he's judging us?
still, with that face, who can resist bringing him to bed with us? i know, i know - at some point, we're going to have to break the habit. we'll also have to deal with the daily 4 am feeding in our bed that turns into him sleeping with us until we get up. but it's sure sweet for now.
***********************
the whole lactation thing has been kinda getting me down. another woman in my building at work (whose son was born six weeks after milo) came back to work this week; her son weighs significantly more than milo, and he's 100% breast-fed, and (as i found in the mother's room fridge) she pumps twice what i do. i've already been frustrated by my inability to provide his complete milk needs, but this in-my-face comparison was the breaking point. so i called the lactation consultant, and then my ob, and he ordered the labs for me. that day, i pumped the least i'd ever pumped at work, and it was a horrible, dark yellowy-green, and i cried all day at work. and the next day, i pumped a record amount, and it was lovely and white and creamy and fatty, and yesterday i pumped even more fabulousness, and then the test results came back fine. i don't know why the sudden change, except that i felt better for taking some action. i'm still not pumping enough, but i'm producing about 30% more than i was, and i've ruled out scary diseases, so everyone wins. i suspect our problems the first month were because of my raging anxiety, and once it subsided my supply never recovered. but milo's thriving, i'm healthy, and i'm not doing this again. so i'm going to worry about other things.
***********************
milo helps mommy write this post:
posted by laura at 10:23 AM
7 Comments:
Yeah, that worrying thing and that mommy comparison thing will kill ya every time. :o)
He sure is cute.
I always hated the Mummy competitiveness that surfaced at my DD's mothers group and her baby playgroup. Women boasting about their superior BF and birthing tales (not to mention fast, easy conception bragging). yuck. so I hear ya. and I've gotta add, it is so good to read a newsy post from you. I do understand you have bigger priorities now in Milo , and you're back at work, but it is great catching up on what you guys have been doing lately. Sorry you hurt your ankle and that J and M have been sick. The new pics are fabulous and my, hasn't Milo grown. Much love .
Oh my, the shag show! I had to get K to look at that after having been thwarted by those same staring eyes:)
As for the bf, I can't pump worth shit. Alfalfa sprouts increase your supply heaps. Farmers use alfalfa on cows. Being that they taste ok maybe worth a try?
Good to hear from you guys. Milo just gets better and better!
He looks just like you both! Beautiful, lovely boy who witnessed special mommy and daddy time! You should always post more and more pictures of beautiful Milo.
Glad you got a fight out of the way. It sucks about your ankle and the flu and Milo's bronchiolitis (or croup or whatever). The ankle thing I so feel. FOUR TIMES IN THE LAST TWO YEARS! And life just keeps going like this - one seemingly endless illness/injury to the next - but it's so good to have a kid that who cares? :)
And I pumped some super ugly milk that was green for days. But, in geologic time, I tell myself, no one will care. Your body's still equalizing. STOP LOOKING. And Milo is wily and crafty. It's good for him to be small. He will grow big and healthy. I wish I could go back and let go of the horrible weight and sadness of worrying about Mimi's size. Milo is beautiful and healthy and smart. Nothing else matters.
Well, you are obviously doing something right, because that's one beautiful baby you've got there. Seriously, he's yummy. Bright-eyed and pink-cheeked -- looks like the picture of health to me!
Milo is just beautiful and growing so fast! You are obviously doing something very right. That mommy comparison thing is sucky...i never could pump much either -- i guess some people respond better to the pump than others? I hate the damned thing myself.
OH MY GOD COULD HE LOOK MORE LIKE JUSTIN?
Ahem, sorry for yelling.
Yeah, the milk thing. I'm still pumping like mad and barely keeping up. O gets enough when he's doing the sucking but the pumping barely keeps up with his needs. The friend that I borrowed the pump from is one of those over-abundant types too, so I always feel inadequate. Parents - we do the best we can, that's my new mantra.
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