4 months, part 2
a few hours before we left for barcelona, milo went in for his four month checkup, which i want to record here, at least until i get around to properly recording his vital stats. after ascending from below the charts to the fifth percentile at his two month checkup, young milo has now hit the 20th percentile for weight (13 lbs 12 oz), the 24th percentile for head size (something - does 35 cm sound right?), and the 25th percentile for height (24.5 in). the pediatrician remarked several times on how social he is, which is a nice way of saying he can't shut up - not that we'd want him to, of course. i love, love, love his chatter, full of inflection and shrieks and laughs and demands and a few emerging consonants, like "m" and "d" and that coughing-up-a-hairball sound. i am daily amazed at how freaking big he is, and how much he knows already, and how sweet he is - as well as how much work he is. i didn't get that before. how does anyone stay home fulltime? how does anyone voluntarily work in child care? these people deserve big, fat, trumpian salaries.
on another note, but a familiar one - i want hans back. milo is the sunshine of my soul and i wouldn't trade him for the world, but he does not make up for hans. he is not a replacement boy. he is separate in all his fabulousness and poopiness, and frankly a little scary in his fierceness, and he needs his older brother's mellowness to balance him out. hans should be here, getting to play with his cousin the exact same age who arrives on friday for what would probably be the first time they would really play with each other and not just at or around each other. he should be unwinding the lights from the bannister and freaking me out by presenting me with tightly clutched fistfuls of glass ornaments pulled from the tree and forbidden poinsettia leaves. he should be freaking out on the mall santa. he should be climbing in my lap when he's worn out from all the holiday overstimulation. he should be kissing his brother, and collecting kisses from his parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. christmas is not right without him. i don't know what to do about it. all i want to do is crawl in bed and cry, but i can't afford that behavior. i'm trying not to think about him and to just get holiday stuff done, but i'm sucking at it. we did buy both our boys christmas stockings last night; i'm hoping that i'll feel a little better after i hang them tonight.
on another note, but a familiar one - i want hans back. milo is the sunshine of my soul and i wouldn't trade him for the world, but he does not make up for hans. he is not a replacement boy. he is separate in all his fabulousness and poopiness, and frankly a little scary in his fierceness, and he needs his older brother's mellowness to balance him out. hans should be here, getting to play with his cousin the exact same age who arrives on friday for what would probably be the first time they would really play with each other and not just at or around each other. he should be unwinding the lights from the bannister and freaking me out by presenting me with tightly clutched fistfuls of glass ornaments pulled from the tree and forbidden poinsettia leaves. he should be freaking out on the mall santa. he should be climbing in my lap when he's worn out from all the holiday overstimulation. he should be kissing his brother, and collecting kisses from his parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles. christmas is not right without him. i don't know what to do about it. all i want to do is crawl in bed and cry, but i can't afford that behavior. i'm trying not to think about him and to just get holiday stuff done, but i'm sucking at it. we did buy both our boys christmas stockings last night; i'm hoping that i'll feel a little better after i hang them tonight.
posted by laura at 5:14 PM
2 Comments:
Same here, and not sure what to do about it either. :(
I'm sorry this is so hard and that the boys' cousin will be slapping you around the face with all the shoulda-beens of the season.
Thinking of you guys and hoping Milo doesn't eat too much wrapping paper on Christmas day:) And 35cm is average newborn head circ;)
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