a fork
this blog sucks.
sure, there have been some high points, and some low points, and some of the low points have even been high points, blog-wise. but this blog has become incredibly uninteresting, at least as far as being a diary of life in the wake of stillbirth. and while in the early days of milo-hood, time was a huge factor in the frequency of posting and in my ability to contruct a coherent thought, it's not the issue now. it's not like i have time to kill, but i have enough i want to post badly enough to make the time for it. i have these big hairy constructions brewing about pregnancy and about adulthood and about fear that just won't work here.
here's the problem, kids: this blog is too public to write what's really on my mind. and it's too private to make it a life-of-milo blog. my real and virtual lives have come to overlap to the point that i can't fulfill either function properly. i want to do both things, though.
the proposed, three-step solution:
so i'm looking for some feedback from the three of you still checking in here: would you mind being exposed to only one blog and forgoing the other? if so, to which blog would you want access? if not, what alternate solution would you suggest? feel free to be completely honest. if you are sick to death of fluffy baby pictures, you will not hurt my feelings. if you find it absurd that anyone would voluntarily subject themselves to my navel-gazing without compensatory pictures of miloliciousness, just say so; the private blog would be for my benefit first and foremost; feedback to it would be welcome but secondary.
well?
sure, there have been some high points, and some low points, and some of the low points have even been high points, blog-wise. but this blog has become incredibly uninteresting, at least as far as being a diary of life in the wake of stillbirth. and while in the early days of milo-hood, time was a huge factor in the frequency of posting and in my ability to contruct a coherent thought, it's not the issue now. it's not like i have time to kill, but i have enough i want to post badly enough to make the time for it. i have these big hairy constructions brewing about pregnancy and about adulthood and about fear that just won't work here.
here's the problem, kids: this blog is too public to write what's really on my mind. and it's too private to make it a life-of-milo blog. my real and virtual lives have come to overlap to the point that i can't fulfill either function properly. i want to do both things, though.
the proposed, three-step solution:
- take this thing down. i think it may be time to put it to rest, anyway, and it's not like justin is using it as a regular outlet, either. btw, i could use some pointers from those of you who are technical smarty-pants as to how to save this text for my personal use without having it published online.
- start a new, public blog, featuring all milo, all the time, except for an occasional musing about what might have been. suitable for all audiences including moms, grandmas, aunts, friend's moms, etc.
- start a new, private blog, featuring my deepest, darkest thoughts. all names and pictures would be expunged to protect the innocent. news would be minimal. navel gazing would abound.
so i'm looking for some feedback from the three of you still checking in here: would you mind being exposed to only one blog and forgoing the other? if so, to which blog would you want access? if not, what alternate solution would you suggest? feel free to be completely honest. if you are sick to death of fluffy baby pictures, you will not hurt my feelings. if you find it absurd that anyone would voluntarily subject themselves to my navel-gazing without compensatory pictures of miloliciousness, just say so; the private blog would be for my benefit first and foremost; feedback to it would be welcome but secondary.
well?
posted by laura at 10:31 PM
24 Comments:
I totally understand your dilemma. It's tricky. I would want access to the private, navel-gazing blog if I were to chose only one to visit. Goodluck with what you chose to do.
Sadly? I would choose the navel-gazer, too. So that your profound navel-gazing would perhaps spur on my navel-gazing and we would all be better for it. I would miss the Milo-man, but sometimes life hands us choices, right? Also a thought - password protect the loss blog so that aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc. couldn't access by accident?
Good luck with the decision, either way.
Completely understand the dilemma, Laura; I've been through something similar. You'll recall that my blog had become a little to identifiable for my wife's comfort and I had to take out all the stuff that wasn't directly related to loss and pregnancy. My plan is to run two separate blogs - my current one will remain live but be updated only very rarely once Flicker is born, and I've got the template set and ready to go for a new public one that we'll both contribute to. But the two must remain utterly and entirely separate.
You were one of my inspirations to get blogging in the early days; best of luck with whatever you choose to do.
I think you should leave this one up, with maybe some editing "to protect the innocent." You never know when someone might stumble on your words in their darkest hour and find hope (kind of like I did).
You can, in your blogger dashboard, create a new blog and set it so that only invited readers can read. So even if aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc., know about your private blog, they still can't read it unless they receive an invitation to do so. You could set up a navel-gazing blog for us freaks and a milo-gazing blog for family and friends. That way you're not public with any of it and you can control who sees what.
I don't know. But whatever you decide, you better let me read. I enjoy what you write on most any topic.
I love the Milo pictures, and I would miss them. No one says you have to update everyday, or even every week. As long as it's not a monkey on your back, I say keep this one and give us All Milo, All the Time! And I do understand about wanting to rant, and not have anyone judging or emailing. I always feel like I have to stifle myself when blogging. But that part, my dear, is up to you. Good luck and many blessings with your decision.
Remember, this blog is ultimately for *you*. The big question should be "what type of blog is going to do me the most good?" If therapeutic navel-gazing helps keep you on an even keel in your day-to-day life, then go for it. And as Delphi and Catherine pointed out, password protection would keep it as private as you wanted it to be.
Whatever you decide, we'll all support you 100% You've got a very loyal following!
It may seem like I don't check in here but that's what's good and bad about Bloglines; you don't know it most days and I'm not a good enough commenter (shame on me) to correct that notion.
Anyway... you helped me through a whole lotta crap in the early depressive-panic-attack days of my job/loss experience, even though you may not have known it, just by being you and by sharing the fact that you had gone through/were going through what you had... (wow, that was a long convoluted sentence that hopefully makes sense to you...)
All that being said, I agree with Bronwyn, in that it's what you want that's important; I will gladly follow along if given the chance, but will understand if you choose to go private.
I would choose the private naval-gazing blog... (and hope for an occasional milo update). I've missed you're deeper, more personal, posts.
And I just realized i'm a moron and somehow lost your link when i reorganized my links...
I too want the navel gazing. I want to know what's "really on your mind".
I choose the navel gazing one. And I agree with Catherine, I obsessively back read most of your blog when my son died and it helped me.
I think it's a very hard thing to separate two parts of yourself like that because nothing is that neat.
I would choose the navel gazing. Insight on such important things from someone with your intelligence and humor is a good thing to have available to people just starting on their terrible journey.
May I suggest that your disable comments on your Milo blog in favour of an 'Email Me!' button for your relatives? Then we could still have access to the whole Laura, the one who actually survived and loves her new living child even while grieving for her first dead son. And no one could follow us back here.
I'm a lurker, but I would like to be included in any blog you'd be willing to give out. My most ideal blog from you would be navel-gazing with a dash of milo cuteness.
Laura - I think I've delurked before but in case I haven't, Hi - I'm Renae.
I think you need to do the blog that is going to help you more. You could do a shutterfly site for Milo (my sister does this for my nephew - posts new photos every week or so with a little about commentary). I think the loss blog might be really what you want to do. Go with your gut.
Navel-gazing, please, but can that not be at the expense of Milo pictures? Both would be ideal.
I'm in much the same boat. I've been feeling, well, overexposed lately and am not quite sure how to remedy it. It will be interesting for me to see how you handle the situation.
You should do -- of course -- what feels best to you. All roads lead to Rome. Which is another way of saying -- what I honestly believe -- there's no real escape. And whatever you choose to write about, you're really writting about the same thing over and over again.
I miss my twins (one stillborn, one dying shortly after birth), but I've found that, whatever I try to say, always circles back to them.
But your choices, are, of course, your own. And I wish you luck in choosing the path that brings you closest to peace.
niobe
www.deadbabyjokes.blogspot.com
I think I've lost count of all my blogs at this point. I think I'd do one private and one public-the public one being the secretive one without pictures and the private one being the one with pictures. Then don't allow comment on the one that family is going to read.
I do have this problem. People make comments on my public blog using my real name that they know from the private blog. But I make sure I don't post anything on the public blog that would hurt friends or family's feelings.
Hey Laura,
I wrote a big long reponse yesterday, but I deleted it. There are so many good responses and ideas already, so I'll just tell you that you mean a lot to me and you've helped me a lot in my journey. I totally understand what's going on though. I've never been able to write what I wanted to because my blog address was passed around to my family and friends without my permission when I started it. And instead of just asking me how I'm doing, they read my blog. It's great, she said sarcastically. I just didn't want this post to go by without telling you how inspiring you are to me. I imagine that I can be another Laura with a happy ending, too.
You could always password protect the navel-gazing deep dark blog. I would, of course, want to see both...
Oh, every other commenter already said that i see.
I have thought about this issue for myself...and it is easier for me since noone IRL knows i have the blog and it is not archived via search engines. Still i know i could be 'found' and it bothers me. The great-aunts, though, can just live without pictures.
I think you should do what makes you feel more comfortable. But I agree...navel-gazing for me!! ;-) Just promise to post lots of Milo pics...
I agree with pretty much everyone else about the nazel gazing with the occasional Milo updates and you could always password protect.
i think the idea of setting the navel gazing blog to private is a great one - aunt and uncles and the like should understand your need for privacy. or you could always just request that no one ever link to your navel gazing blog. plain and simple...that would eliminate any overlap that aunts and uncles could see. i would probably choose the navel gazing, although i love the miloliciousness. after all, aren't we all here in bloglandia for the commonality of life experience?
Navel, navel, navel ... hello, navel ... hmn hmn hmnnnn ...
Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? I was looking at my navel.
I have to sympathize, I have no idea what to do with my blog anymore, I barely use it. I have a big tour coming up, so I am sure that will make a difference ... for two weeks.
I, also, wish there were some place I could really put down the dirt in my head without shocking anyone I care for. But then I realized I do have such a thing and it's my own personal journal, so I have been using that more and more.
Anyway, I would support the "anonymous" blog. As long as you send me the url.
I know how you feel. In the minority now, I have to say I am invested in Milo, and would want to see the pictures and watch him develop. So if I had to choose, I would want the fluffy blog.
You are a beautiful writer, so I hope you keep going.
I feel you. Not sure what to do about it myself. Anywho, keep me posted whatever you do. Even though I don't have as much time as I used to for checking in, I would hate to lose touch.
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