the big lie
one of the first things i thought about after delivering hans was what i had read about the high rate of divorce for couples who have lost a child. justin and i talked pretty early on about not letting his death drive us apart, and it was a conversation worth having, certainly.
our friends who have lost children have encouraged us to focus on the relationships that become stronger as a result of this kind of tragedy. i expressed in a previous post that i hoped that the higher divorce rate thing was just a nasty rumor, and now, thanks to kath, i have proof!
the compassionate friends published their survey of bereaved parents called "when a child dies" in 1999. the results include these findings under the heading "grief and divorce":
"Newly bereaved parents frequently read or hear disturbing statistics about a high divorce rate (often claimed to be 80-90%) among couples following the death of a child; however, TCF has never found reliable statistics concerning divorce rates following the death of a child.
To confirm or refute these claims, the survey included a series of questions regarding marital status. Based on the results, it is clear that the divorce rates quoted so often are erroneous. Overall, 72% of parents who were married at the time of their child’s death are still married to the same person. The remaining 28% of marriages include 16% in which one spouse had died, and only 12% of marriages that ended in divorce.
While this percent may be slightly understated due to sample composition, the undoubted conclusion is that the divorce rate among bereaved parents is significantly below the often-cited numbers, and may in fact be lower than the level in the population in general. Furthermore, even among the 12% of parents whose marriages ended in divorce, only one out of four of them felt that the impact of the death of their child contributed to their divorce."
so according to this study, only 3% of couples who lose a child divorce as a result of that loss. and only 12% divorce at all. which you must admit is a bit better than the 50% or so divorce rate for the general population. goody for us.
our friends who have lost children have encouraged us to focus on the relationships that become stronger as a result of this kind of tragedy. i expressed in a previous post that i hoped that the higher divorce rate thing was just a nasty rumor, and now, thanks to kath, i have proof!
the compassionate friends published their survey of bereaved parents called "when a child dies" in 1999. the results include these findings under the heading "grief and divorce":
"Newly bereaved parents frequently read or hear disturbing statistics about a high divorce rate (often claimed to be 80-90%) among couples following the death of a child; however, TCF has never found reliable statistics concerning divorce rates following the death of a child.
To confirm or refute these claims, the survey included a series of questions regarding marital status. Based on the results, it is clear that the divorce rates quoted so often are erroneous. Overall, 72% of parents who were married at the time of their child’s death are still married to the same person. The remaining 28% of marriages include 16% in which one spouse had died, and only 12% of marriages that ended in divorce.
While this percent may be slightly understated due to sample composition, the undoubted conclusion is that the divorce rate among bereaved parents is significantly below the often-cited numbers, and may in fact be lower than the level in the population in general. Furthermore, even among the 12% of parents whose marriages ended in divorce, only one out of four of them felt that the impact of the death of their child contributed to their divorce."
so according to this study, only 3% of couples who lose a child divorce as a result of that loss. and only 12% divorce at all. which you must admit is a bit better than the 50% or so divorce rate for the general population. goody for us.
posted by laura at 8:54 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah, where did they get that from? We hardly constitute a representational sampling, but I have been meeting the parents of deceased children for over four years now, and I am straining to think of one couple that separated.
Our marriage was new when Calvin died, even if our relationship wasn't, and though it is impossible to quantify such a thing, I truly feel his death pulled us closer together.
Besides, you two are so obviously crazy about each other, you must have other things to worry about.
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