it didn't totally suck!
after much dread, and weeping, and gnashing of teeth, i returned to work yesterday - and it wasn't nearly as bad as i expected.
i have not been studiously ignored or gawked at by anyone. only one person has said anything stupid to me (in the "it happened for a reason" vein), and it was in the midst of such a sincere conversation that i was able to rebut it. my boss, who is sooo uncomfortable with anything remotely personal or emotional in the workplace, sat down with me, looked me in the eye, asked me how i was and how justin was, and looked me in the eye while i told him. the co-worker who always gets on my nerves told me something happened to her at hans's memorial service and she realized that our mutual irritation just didn't matter, and she asked me to bring pictures of hans. the co-worker who most told me i was paranoid, not to worry, and whom i most did not want to see because i was so angry with her - she came straight to me and hugged me and cried and we've talked through everything; plus, she has been preparing people for my return and making it so much easier for me than i thought it could be. everyone else has said, hi, how are you, you've been in my prayers, it's so good to have you back, and hugged me and patted me on the back.
i've said for a long time that i lead a charmed life, and while i don't consider the loss of my child a charmed event, i have to say that the support i've received and continue to receive is just out of this world.
apparently another of my co-workers, who came to the memorial service, was ranting in the office the day before the service about how wrong and weird it was for us to be having the memorial. the next monday, he came into the office and apologized to everyone in the vicinity for being an ass and explained how meaningful the service was and how glad he was he had gone.
someday soon, before the details get too blurry, i really need to commit that day to writing.
last night, i met mike and kath and charlie and jim at bela dubby's, and exhaled, and laughed, and interviewed jim for details on his lovelife to determine whether he is ready to be set up (there's someone we have in mind....). i took kath home and we sat in her driveway and i poured my heart out to her about all of the conversations we've been having about if and when to try to have another child and all my frustrations, and she listened to it all and supported me and hugged me and i felt a thousand pounds less pressure.
then i met justin and some of the airport guys at dante's for pizza and travel stories and future travel plans, and everything felt all right. and now it's the weekend and we have from now until 1:30 sunday to ourselves. justin and i have so much to work out, and it mostly breaks my heart, but we're going to be aiiiight. we just have to be.
i have not been studiously ignored or gawked at by anyone. only one person has said anything stupid to me (in the "it happened for a reason" vein), and it was in the midst of such a sincere conversation that i was able to rebut it. my boss, who is sooo uncomfortable with anything remotely personal or emotional in the workplace, sat down with me, looked me in the eye, asked me how i was and how justin was, and looked me in the eye while i told him. the co-worker who always gets on my nerves told me something happened to her at hans's memorial service and she realized that our mutual irritation just didn't matter, and she asked me to bring pictures of hans. the co-worker who most told me i was paranoid, not to worry, and whom i most did not want to see because i was so angry with her - she came straight to me and hugged me and cried and we've talked through everything; plus, she has been preparing people for my return and making it so much easier for me than i thought it could be. everyone else has said, hi, how are you, you've been in my prayers, it's so good to have you back, and hugged me and patted me on the back.
i've said for a long time that i lead a charmed life, and while i don't consider the loss of my child a charmed event, i have to say that the support i've received and continue to receive is just out of this world.
apparently another of my co-workers, who came to the memorial service, was ranting in the office the day before the service about how wrong and weird it was for us to be having the memorial. the next monday, he came into the office and apologized to everyone in the vicinity for being an ass and explained how meaningful the service was and how glad he was he had gone.
someday soon, before the details get too blurry, i really need to commit that day to writing.
last night, i met mike and kath and charlie and jim at bela dubby's, and exhaled, and laughed, and interviewed jim for details on his lovelife to determine whether he is ready to be set up (there's someone we have in mind....). i took kath home and we sat in her driveway and i poured my heart out to her about all of the conversations we've been having about if and when to try to have another child and all my frustrations, and she listened to it all and supported me and hugged me and i felt a thousand pounds less pressure.
then i met justin and some of the airport guys at dante's for pizza and travel stories and future travel plans, and everything felt all right. and now it's the weekend and we have from now until 1:30 sunday to ourselves. justin and i have so much to work out, and it mostly breaks my heart, but we're going to be aiiiight. we just have to be.
posted by laura at 6:01 PM
1 Comments:
There are a few books on the subject, some very
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