moving through it
we added a new person to our department this week, and on her second day she had to leave at noon because her daughter had thrown up at daycare. the co-worker-that-angers-me said, "oh, we're lucky in this group - none of us has to worry about that!" twice. and laughed both times. she has never had or tried to have a child; my other co-workers' children are all grown. what a twat.
at the recommendation of a couple fellow mothers of dead children, i picked up the book "life touches life" last night, as well as another book that's more of a textbook on late loss. i woke up at 7:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so i read the second book. tears flowed pretty much the whole time, but reading all of these other parents' stories helped me to process my own story. i'll start the other book next. this week i also read "cry the beloved country" which i always should have read but never got around to it until dyan read that passage from the book at hans's memorial service. i didn't care for the writing style, which may just be my own cultural bias, but the story moved me. the two central characters both lost their sons, one at the hand of the other, but found healing with each other. the book is really about south africa healing, but the characters' individual stories helped me get in touch with a different part of my pain, which is the most i can do.
i feel a little weird about mother's day coming. it would be strange to me to have other people send me cards out of pity. i always felt like it was about honoring one's own mother, which my child can't do, so i accept it and don't expect anything. but should i send i send my sister a card? i feel like i should, but it also doesn't feel right, because she's not my mother. all too strange. i gotta go get my mother's present and card mailed today.
in happy news, my ob called and said my standard-post-stillbirth tests came back fine (yea!) so now i just have to work on passing enough protein in my pee next time, which is bizarre since in the ob's office everyone is worried about too much protein in their urine.
we looked at hans's picture together for a long time last night. he was soooooo beautiful. you can take my word for it.
at the recommendation of a couple fellow mothers of dead children, i picked up the book "life touches life" last night, as well as another book that's more of a textbook on late loss. i woke up at 7:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep, so i read the second book. tears flowed pretty much the whole time, but reading all of these other parents' stories helped me to process my own story. i'll start the other book next. this week i also read "cry the beloved country" which i always should have read but never got around to it until dyan read that passage from the book at hans's memorial service. i didn't care for the writing style, which may just be my own cultural bias, but the story moved me. the two central characters both lost their sons, one at the hand of the other, but found healing with each other. the book is really about south africa healing, but the characters' individual stories helped me get in touch with a different part of my pain, which is the most i can do.
i feel a little weird about mother's day coming. it would be strange to me to have other people send me cards out of pity. i always felt like it was about honoring one's own mother, which my child can't do, so i accept it and don't expect anything. but should i send i send my sister a card? i feel like i should, but it also doesn't feel right, because she's not my mother. all too strange. i gotta go get my mother's present and card mailed today.
in happy news, my ob called and said my standard-post-stillbirth tests came back fine (yea!) so now i just have to work on passing enough protein in my pee next time, which is bizarre since in the ob's office everyone is worried about too much protein in their urine.
we looked at hans's picture together for a long time last night. he was soooooo beautiful. you can take my word for it.
posted by laura at 11:59 AM
3 Comments:
Not pity - acknowledgement. You have given birth, you have a child. Next Sunday is your day.
And "twat" is such a polite word for that woman.
thanks :)
I agree with David! Acknowledgement is very important when one is mothering a ghost ;)
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