adult themes

hans as a young adult is in my thoughts this weekend. he was so responsive to music in utero that we thought of him as a musician - perhaps a violinist or pianist. i would imagine there is a certain amount of groupie-ism for "serious" musicians, too, just as for rock stars, and i wonder how he might have handled the advances of orchestra patronesses.

we learned from the autopsy that one of his testicles was already dead before the rest of him died. how would that have affected his sexuality? his interest in sex? his willingness to be naked with another person? his ability to father a child?

he will never have a first kiss with a girl - or a boy, for that matter. no one will ever have a crush on him or make him one of the future husband candidates in a game of mash. we will never like (or dislike) someone serious enough for him to bring home. he will never be an object of lust. he will never know the thrill of his first time or the comfort of the thousandth time with the person with whom he wants to grow old.

poor johannes - he died a virgin.