the state of perfect hans-ed-ness
i'm so torn.
on the one hand, i would like to be able to cast off my grief, anything but the merest wisp of fond memory of hans, and move on with my life, unaffected by his death. i'd like to have other children and not think about hans's absence. i'd like to have a blissfully ignorant second pregnancy.
on the other hand, i want to wallow in hansedness (that's my contribution to the english language today - you can pronounce it "HAHN-zed-nes", thank you very much). i don't want to have any other children because they would distract me from all things hans. i want to just dwell in the land of hans.
neither extreme is a good plan - i understand that fact. at any rate, it's not like i had a blissfully ignorant FIRST pregnancy, and i don't want to be a creepy person, either. but the extremes look appealing from afar - they seem direct and clear and absolute and wonderfully unconflicted. just illusions, i know, but lovely ones.
on the one hand, i would like to be able to cast off my grief, anything but the merest wisp of fond memory of hans, and move on with my life, unaffected by his death. i'd like to have other children and not think about hans's absence. i'd like to have a blissfully ignorant second pregnancy.
on the other hand, i want to wallow in hansedness (that's my contribution to the english language today - you can pronounce it "HAHN-zed-nes", thank you very much). i don't want to have any other children because they would distract me from all things hans. i want to just dwell in the land of hans.
neither extreme is a good plan - i understand that fact. at any rate, it's not like i had a blissfully ignorant FIRST pregnancy, and i don't want to be a creepy person, either. but the extremes look appealing from afar - they seem direct and clear and absolute and wonderfully unconflicted. just illusions, i know, but lovely ones.
posted by laura at 5:55 PM
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