hooky
i am suffering from what justin fondly calls "anal glaucoma", but the cure (playing hooky) seems to be working.
today is the first day i have called in sick since hans died. all things considered, i think this accomplishment is downright heroic. before i knew justin, i made sure i used all of my sick days every year; i considered them a part of my comprehensive mental health coverage.
justin, on the other hand, had never in his life called in sick (starting with his first job at 15) until last summer, when we moved into our house at the same time we found out i was pregnant but bleeding, too, and it was all too much. it took me and two of our friends to apply enough peer pressure, but he finally caved. i was so proud of him.
my day has included sleeping, making chocolate chip scones, getting a tire replaced on the family wagon (for the family with no living children), web surfing, and in a few minutes dinner and drinks with my friend kristy. except for the tire part, today is a day i needed - a day of wastefulness to recharge my batteries. grief runs them down.
*****
i called my mom last night to describe to her dan and meg's wedding invitation, which arrived yesterday; it was made of orange and cream handmade papers and natural raffia and real pressed flowers (how much must those have cost???) and included pablo neruda poetry and a schedule of their wedding weekend events involving much champagne and gelato.
she was kind of unresponsive until she finally blurted out, when we talked last week i felt like i offended you, but i don't know what i said or did! i tried to explain a little but not too much, because she doesn't get it, and she still didn't; but i assured her that i wasn't angry with her and that i realized that she was trying to help me, but blindly, because i hadn't been talking things through with her, as she is accustomed. she said she felt i had shut her out of my grief; i agreed. i told her this experience is completely unlike any other we've had together, and it's become a very private process for me. she cried, which was weird, and expressed how desperately she wanted to help me; i told her she could help me by continuing to support me in my choices and by listening when i wanted to talk and by not trying to offer me advice. i think she was bewildered, but the best i could do was assure her several times that we were okay.
i suspect that her approach to her grief for hans (week one and two - take care of laura and justin; week three - feel kinda bummed; week four - decide to get over it and not let it get me down) is not working for her. but she'll have to figure that out for herself.
today is the first day i have called in sick since hans died. all things considered, i think this accomplishment is downright heroic. before i knew justin, i made sure i used all of my sick days every year; i considered them a part of my comprehensive mental health coverage.
justin, on the other hand, had never in his life called in sick (starting with his first job at 15) until last summer, when we moved into our house at the same time we found out i was pregnant but bleeding, too, and it was all too much. it took me and two of our friends to apply enough peer pressure, but he finally caved. i was so proud of him.
my day has included sleeping, making chocolate chip scones, getting a tire replaced on the family wagon (for the family with no living children), web surfing, and in a few minutes dinner and drinks with my friend kristy. except for the tire part, today is a day i needed - a day of wastefulness to recharge my batteries. grief runs them down.
*****
i called my mom last night to describe to her dan and meg's wedding invitation, which arrived yesterday; it was made of orange and cream handmade papers and natural raffia and real pressed flowers (how much must those have cost???) and included pablo neruda poetry and a schedule of their wedding weekend events involving much champagne and gelato.
she was kind of unresponsive until she finally blurted out, when we talked last week i felt like i offended you, but i don't know what i said or did! i tried to explain a little but not too much, because she doesn't get it, and she still didn't; but i assured her that i wasn't angry with her and that i realized that she was trying to help me, but blindly, because i hadn't been talking things through with her, as she is accustomed. she said she felt i had shut her out of my grief; i agreed. i told her this experience is completely unlike any other we've had together, and it's become a very private process for me. she cried, which was weird, and expressed how desperately she wanted to help me; i told her she could help me by continuing to support me in my choices and by listening when i wanted to talk and by not trying to offer me advice. i think she was bewildered, but the best i could do was assure her several times that we were okay.
i suspect that her approach to her grief for hans (week one and two - take care of laura and justin; week three - feel kinda bummed; week four - decide to get over it and not let it get me down) is not working for her. but she'll have to figure that out for herself.
posted by laura at 6:21 PM
5 Comments:
anal glaucoma, aka she can't see her ass going to work.
I love it. Since calling in one year ago, I've called in a few times.
Once upon a time, I used to get all kinds of perks (money orders for several hundreds of dollars, free flights, etc) when I attained perfect attendance, but they've done away with that - SO - shall we take a holiday in August Laura?
i sense you're going to be sick for about a week in august.
Oh yeah, and Wednesdays lotto pick, swami?
Your whole husband and wife back and forth thing is really cute. :)
(with closed eyes) i see...you taking out the trash that smells.
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