i saw "i hate this" but i didn't (hate it, that is)

this week's distractions (including but not limited to the arrival of orson, my brother-in-law's infidelity, and justin's revelation to me, about which he will have to write for himself when he is ready) gave the wound on my soul some room to breathe and scab over.

since i took today off, and justin is always off on fridays, we got to sleep in and spend some quality time together ("etc", as justin would say). we walked up to nick's ("gee, i don't know what nick's you're talking about!") for the $2.25 breakfast and then worked on our yard, getting the early tulips that have lost all their petals cleaned out and weeding and mulching and mowing. then we got the mud out from under our fingernails and went over to metro to see david's performance of his play "i hate this" about his son calvin.

i was blown away.

i had never seen him perform before, and the lights were piss-poor and the sound system dicey. but he was fantastic. we had heard the story of their son's stillbirth, but today was like experiencing the whole year with them. i laughed, i cried, i want to see it again and again. (no, wait - that was "cats")

seriously, i did cry - it was good i brought kleenex - we went through a few. but i did also laugh, and hard. he placed at least seven calls to gerber in the months after calvin's death, asking them to stop sending him congratulatory notices and coupons; by the last call, he warned them that not only would he never buy their food for any future child, but he would tell his friends not to buy their products; hell, he would even tell complete strangers. and he has. :)

the crowd was all social workers and hospital chaplains and counselors. there was a preponderance of down-market copies of eileen fisher separates and sigrid olsen sweaters, with a smattering of fruit-print jumpers and tie-dye. the men, without exception, had facial hair - goatees for the young, closely-trimmed beards for the middle-aged. i mock them for their earnestness, but they were very responsive - they gasped at all the right places (or right to me, as a parent of a dead child) and chuckled on cue, and i heard much sniffling.

we got to talk to david afterward; he looked drained - and how could he not, two days after orson's birth. he told us he wasn't certain he could even do the play today, but he found us in the audience and decided he would do it for us. wow. i feel so honored.

you should see david's play if and when it comes to a playhouse near you. in the mean time, his blog and site about the play are a good read. it's how i spent a couple of sleepless nights after coming home from the hospital without hans.

justin didn't have the benefit of any scabs today and i think he is feeling raw. so we are going to watch a potentially dumb movie ("team america") and indulge in a little wild cherry pepsi and just be alone together.