three months and counting
i delivered hans three months ago today. i wish today was a celebration, but three months of death - not so cheery.
*****
we've decided not to adopt lulu the dog. justin kept making excuses, and then i realized that we don't want a dog, we want our child. so we learned about dogs a little, and someday when we have a child who must have a dog or the world will come to an end, we'll be better prepared.
i've been thinking about my ob lately. it's not that i have any of my crush left (any remnants of crush not obliterated by going through hans's death with him were wiped out by the two-tone suede boat shoes he was wearing when we reviewed the autopsy); but i'm wondering if he should be my ob next time.
on the plus side, he has been through hans's gestation and death with us, so he knows where we're coming from (ugh - that grammar is so awful it makes me squirm, but the proper grammar doesn't sound right there, either, so we'll all just have to bear it together). and i love that he is thoughtful and thinks about what he says and doesn't just blurt out the conventional wisdom.
but i'm wondering if he will be up for the person i will be next time. i will be more anxious than the first time, if such a thing is possible, although i'm working on ways to lessen my anxiety, but let's be honest - it's gonna happen. and i will speak up more agressively when i think something is wrong. and not everyone can deal with it. i don't know if he can or will want to.
i'm also wondering if i should be with a specialist. the ob i saw the week after hans died, when my ob was out of town, was obscenely wonderful, plus he lost his son at 16 and "got it". i've since found out from their website that he's a high risk guy, but he's also just announced his retirement from obstetrics and is taking the summer off and then will come back just for his gynecology practice. grrrrrrrrr. then there's the dr who did my amnio, who i thought was a radiologist but it turns it is a high risk guy, too. he is world-renowned and could be my brother-in-law's brother, which i found strangely comforting. but he mostly does research and may not be taking patients.
i'm thinking that maybe i should make an appointment to sit down with my ob for a few minutes and discuss the next time. it would give him an opportunity to assess my situation and then either say, we can do this together, or, i think a high risk guy would be the best way for you to go. and if we did go with a high risk ob at that point, he could get us in with that person, rather than me begging and pleading with that person's secretary myself.
i have an appointment with my primary next month, to make sure my wacky malnutrition thing is worked out and to generally get worked over to make sure i'm in good shape to try again when we're ready, and maybe i can work in a visit upstairs to my ob then.
*****
i forgot to take my birth control pill yesterday morning. we had people sleeping all over the downstairs of our house when i came down and i was so focused on getting my stuff and getting out without waking anyone that i forgot to take my pills. i didn't realize it until i got to work, and i work a half hour from home. i took the pill when i got home last night - at 10 pm! at least justin didn't freak out. he said, what's the worst that could happen? you'd get pregnant, and that would be okay, wouldn't it? and it would.
*****
we've decided not to adopt lulu the dog. justin kept making excuses, and then i realized that we don't want a dog, we want our child. so we learned about dogs a little, and someday when we have a child who must have a dog or the world will come to an end, we'll be better prepared.
i've been thinking about my ob lately. it's not that i have any of my crush left (any remnants of crush not obliterated by going through hans's death with him were wiped out by the two-tone suede boat shoes he was wearing when we reviewed the autopsy); but i'm wondering if he should be my ob next time.
on the plus side, he has been through hans's gestation and death with us, so he knows where we're coming from (ugh - that grammar is so awful it makes me squirm, but the proper grammar doesn't sound right there, either, so we'll all just have to bear it together). and i love that he is thoughtful and thinks about what he says and doesn't just blurt out the conventional wisdom.
but i'm wondering if he will be up for the person i will be next time. i will be more anxious than the first time, if such a thing is possible, although i'm working on ways to lessen my anxiety, but let's be honest - it's gonna happen. and i will speak up more agressively when i think something is wrong. and not everyone can deal with it. i don't know if he can or will want to.
i'm also wondering if i should be with a specialist. the ob i saw the week after hans died, when my ob was out of town, was obscenely wonderful, plus he lost his son at 16 and "got it". i've since found out from their website that he's a high risk guy, but he's also just announced his retirement from obstetrics and is taking the summer off and then will come back just for his gynecology practice. grrrrrrrrr. then there's the dr who did my amnio, who i thought was a radiologist but it turns it is a high risk guy, too. he is world-renowned and could be my brother-in-law's brother, which i found strangely comforting. but he mostly does research and may not be taking patients.
i'm thinking that maybe i should make an appointment to sit down with my ob for a few minutes and discuss the next time. it would give him an opportunity to assess my situation and then either say, we can do this together, or, i think a high risk guy would be the best way for you to go. and if we did go with a high risk ob at that point, he could get us in with that person, rather than me begging and pleading with that person's secretary myself.
i have an appointment with my primary next month, to make sure my wacky malnutrition thing is worked out and to generally get worked over to make sure i'm in good shape to try again when we're ready, and maybe i can work in a visit upstairs to my ob then.
*****
i forgot to take my birth control pill yesterday morning. we had people sleeping all over the downstairs of our house when i came down and i was so focused on getting my stuff and getting out without waking anyone that i forgot to take my pills. i didn't realize it until i got to work, and i work a half hour from home. i took the pill when i got home last night - at 10 pm! at least justin didn't freak out. he said, what's the worst that could happen? you'd get pregnant, and that would be okay, wouldn't it? and it would.
posted by laura at 8:47 AM
1 Comments:
I think choosing a doc after a loss is a complex thing. I think you have to be really comfortable with your doctor and really believe that he or she is going to be totally there for you. It's either Trying Again or Pregnancy After a Loss that has a whole part of the book devoted to choosing your doc. There are lots of questions they suggest asking to make sure he or she will be a good fit for you.
For me, it was a no brainer. I didn't like my doc when I was pregnant with Charlie. But even I had those fears of....well he saw the last pregnancy so he'll know better. But in my case my care was so routine I didn't think in the end that it really mattered. It sounds like you really liked your doc okay, so I guess the choice is more complex.
The way it works here (I think) is that you have an OB but you also see a peri. Perhaps this would be a option for you. Later in my pregnancy (if I get there) I think I see my OB every two weeks and then my peri every two weeks and in the third trimester I think it switches to once a week...although they said this a long time ago so who knows what they will change on me. But there are no hard and fast rules, right? I would interview both of the docs and get all your ducks in a row now.
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