airline complaint letter
This is just silly. I've lot's of serious things to write about, but at the moment I only have the capacity for the completely inane ...
Part of my job is dealing with airline complaint letters, most are general petty complaints, some are serious, while others are just freakin' hysterical. A collegue of mine recieved this letter some months ago, it was hand written and had detailed stick figure drawings that accompanied the letter. Here goes:
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29e on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.
All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It’s difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29e really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzle?
I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment – while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!
I am picturing a boardroom full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto the plane by pulling them next to the lav.
(picture of stinky bathroom producing stench)
I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch (and taste) from my seat.
Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!
(picture of mans butt in mans face)
Worse yet is I’ve paid over $400 for the honor of sitting in this seat!
Does your company give refunds? I’d like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29e could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.
I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor … what about my hair! I feel like I’m bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with a deep hatred of your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.
We are finally decending and soon I will be able to tear down the stink shield, but the scars will remain.
I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smoldering brown hole empty, a place for study, non absorbing luggage maybe? But not human cargo.
Part of my job is dealing with airline complaint letters, most are general petty complaints, some are serious, while others are just freakin' hysterical. A collegue of mine recieved this letter some months ago, it was hand written and had detailed stick figure drawings that accompanied the letter. Here goes:
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29e on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.
All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It’s difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29e really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzle?
I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment – while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!
I am picturing a boardroom full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto the plane by pulling them next to the lav.
(picture of stinky bathroom producing stench)
I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch (and taste) from my seat.
Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!
(picture of mans butt in mans face)
Worse yet is I’ve paid over $400 for the honor of sitting in this seat!
Does your company give refunds? I’d like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29e could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.
I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor … what about my hair! I feel like I’m bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with a deep hatred of your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.
We are finally decending and soon I will be able to tear down the stink shield, but the scars will remain.
I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smoldering brown hole empty, a place for study, non absorbing luggage maybe? But not human cargo.
posted by justinian at 9:08 PM
5 Comments:
Okay, I confess. I've written a letter or two, but never with illustrations. Nor that long.
Here's my last one, since you asked(?!?!). Of course, it's dripping with sarcasm and was fun to write. A big part of writing these letters is catharsis. I never got a response, nor have been pulled over since.
November 30, 2002
Enclosed please find my check for my outstanding citation in the amount of $131.50.
Please also note that I am not Native American nor Alaskan. Although as an Arab-American I have often been mistaken for a potential terrorist, I have never been mistaken for an Indian. Being that I received this citation over the Thanksgiving holiday, I wonder whether this was meant to be some kind of a joke. If so, I take offense at the enduring suggestion that the Native Americans were somehow responsible for their own persecution and eventual genocide at the hands of the “authorities,” a precursor to the more commonly-recognized forms of racism in the United States today.
I suggest Officer ________ be referred to culture sensitivity training with the $131.50.
Enjoy your holiday.
Sincerely,
ps The Native American thing came from the fact that that such box was ticked under 'Ethnicity' on the speeding ticket.
What a great letter:) Would have brightened up my day as a standout complaint!
oh.my.gosh. I'm sitting here laughing at my desk. Thank you for sharing that one. Even without seeing the pictures, I have quite the visual going on in my brain.
This is freaking hilarious. I guess this is the good within the bad parts of your job!
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