i'm ready to pull the covers over my head
i bought my first pair of post-maternity jeans saturday. as i was finishing up work today, i walked to the ladies' room, and along the way i basked in that first-day-of-school-stiff-jeans feeling as well as the just-starting-to-get-broken-in-new-jeans feeling. then i walked in and faced the full-length mirror on the opposite wall and saw that (1) the way my jeans bunched up, i looked like i had a penis, and (2) my shoes are inappropriately small in proportion to the flare of the legs of my new jeans. honestly, i was so happy to find a pair that fit my butt that i didn't even notice they were somewhat flared in the fitting room; i think i still imagine when i choose casual shoes that my jeans are still cut the way they were when i was in college (when i was thin and 501s were in).
as i washed my hands, i noticed that my hair is doing strange, big, wavy things. why is it that i never notice that i look sloppy and like i'm wearing a toupee and have a penis until the very end of the day???
*****
in further news of my crappy day, one of my co-workers on the west coast, with whom i have enjoyed a long and friendly if occasionally exasperating relationship, freaked out on me today. i picked up the phone to tell her how unacceptable it was, and then decided that (1) i should cool down first and (2) any conversation we had would likely be unpleasant anyway. but then i decided i didn't want to take my anger home with me, so i sent her a carefully-considered e-mail telling her how surprised i was at her responses to me today and how disappointing it was after the rapport we've shared for three years.
i've been angry at work so much lately. some of it is absolutely justified, for reasons i don't have the energy to list right now. but i wonder if it is all justified or if some of it is the result of my anger about hans's death. i gave this situation this afternoon much thought and concluded that it would have been just as disrespectful for her to have acted as she did before or while i was pregnant with hans. but is my justfiable anger magnified by my other anger? that question is hard to answer. the truth is, for most of my adulthood, there's been one thing or another hanging over my head that could have the same effect, so i don't have any sane periods to which i can compare my anger now, with the exception of maybe the first year of our marriage, and even then, that year was a different kind of abnormal.
add this one to the list for the therapist next time.
*****
i must go get my hair colored so i look decent for our hoity-toity dinner at parker's tomorrow. i'm so excited to be getting dressed up to go out! we eat out all the time - far more than we should - but tomorrow is special because parker's is one of the best restaurants in america (according to gourmet magazine) and they are having a special vegetarian tasting menu, and it will be the nicest thing we've done intentionally (as opposed to spontaneously) in a while. plus, it's nice to have something to look forward to, especially after this half-assed day.
as i washed my hands, i noticed that my hair is doing strange, big, wavy things. why is it that i never notice that i look sloppy and like i'm wearing a toupee and have a penis until the very end of the day???
*****
in further news of my crappy day, one of my co-workers on the west coast, with whom i have enjoyed a long and friendly if occasionally exasperating relationship, freaked out on me today. i picked up the phone to tell her how unacceptable it was, and then decided that (1) i should cool down first and (2) any conversation we had would likely be unpleasant anyway. but then i decided i didn't want to take my anger home with me, so i sent her a carefully-considered e-mail telling her how surprised i was at her responses to me today and how disappointing it was after the rapport we've shared for three years.
i've been angry at work so much lately. some of it is absolutely justified, for reasons i don't have the energy to list right now. but i wonder if it is all justified or if some of it is the result of my anger about hans's death. i gave this situation this afternoon much thought and concluded that it would have been just as disrespectful for her to have acted as she did before or while i was pregnant with hans. but is my justfiable anger magnified by my other anger? that question is hard to answer. the truth is, for most of my adulthood, there's been one thing or another hanging over my head that could have the same effect, so i don't have any sane periods to which i can compare my anger now, with the exception of maybe the first year of our marriage, and even then, that year was a different kind of abnormal.
add this one to the list for the therapist next time.
*****
i must go get my hair colored so i look decent for our hoity-toity dinner at parker's tomorrow. i'm so excited to be getting dressed up to go out! we eat out all the time - far more than we should - but tomorrow is special because parker's is one of the best restaurants in america (according to gourmet magazine) and they are having a special vegetarian tasting menu, and it will be the nicest thing we've done intentionally (as opposed to spontaneously) in a while. plus, it's nice to have something to look forward to, especially after this half-assed day.
posted by laura at 7:34 PM
4 Comments:
Oh no! Are these the jeans that were supposed to replace the ones with holes in them? I HATE that penis looking bulge. How and why exactly do they make jeans that do that? I mean, you're designing for a woman...you should get the measurements right. Right?
Once you figure out that anger thing, let me know all the answers. I'm currently avoiding everyone that I possibly can at work...but I'm assuming anger will show eventually and I'm going to need your insight.
Enjoy your fancy dinner tomorrow. I can't wait to read all about it.
i'm glad i'm not the only one who's had an imaginary penis.
anger, sweet anger. i thought i'd cruise right past that one, evolved and self-actualized as i am. ha! just wait!
hey - where in ohio are you? e-mail if you don't want to post it - llewiscle@gmail.com.
LOL on the jeans situation. I'm not built right for most pants; nothing like the humpty-dumpty physique to ruin your day of shopping! But look at this way, now you can go buy New Shoes!!
ooooo! i like the way you think, julie!
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