give peace a chance

i finally got some peace of mind today, but not before justin and i had a little shouting match with each other in the ultrasound room and i soaked through the paper liner on the ultrasound table under me with my tears. we are so classy.

i also made it through 2 1/2 hours without anyone asking me to take off my underwear, which in and of itself makes it a happy visit.

we saw the tadpole (it looks this week like a little piece of cut-up chicken) and its heartbeat - what a rush, to not just be told that there's a heartbeat, but to actually see it for myself! its heartrate was a very solid 134 bpm, and it measured 6w4d - exactly 7 days more than we measured a week ago, so it's growing appropriately. the tech printed us a picture of the little chicken bit and then went to get the peri.

justin was feeing pretty good, but i was not, because the measurements today still meant that my early beta levels were extraordinarily high for the tadpole's age, which worried me, which upset justin. we were having a lovely exchange of raised voices when the wonderful, adorable, favorite peri came in, so i laid out all my concerns and background concerns with hans and the data i had found for her. she told me that despite all the wonderful, cutting-edge things going on in maternal-fetal medicine there, for some reason the beta results they get back there - while consistent with each other as a group - have no correlaton to beta statistics from any where else in the universe; she sees it all the time. the relief that washed over me was so intense that i let loose with another flood of tears.

she got my chart and actually showed it to me, and reviewed our progress so far, and let me know she was very pleased with how things are looking. unlike last time, this embryo is not losing a little ground between each visit - it is growing exactly as she would want it to at this stage. she also took the time to acknowledge that there would be something new to freak out about every week of this pregnancy and to encourage us to find a way to expect it and learn to live with it.

then we went over for my checkup with my ob. my blood pressure is still low, and despite the fact that my belly grows daily (as my co-workers cannot help but point out to me daily), i have not gained any weight (so apparently my increased appetite and increased nausea are perfectly matched). my ob was very, very happy with the ultrasound report, and wrote me the anti-nausea 'scrip (woo-hoo!), and okayed me for the december trip to italy.

i wasn't even going to go over the dating concerns with him because i was okay with what the peri told me, but justin brought it up, so i laid it all out again for him. he did the math and came out with the same results i did (which certainly made me feel less crazy), and he admitted that my beta levels were "very curious". he is trying to work it out for himself, which makes me feel even better - i don't have to worry about it now, because he's worrying about it for me! he also assured me that he would be keeping a very close eye on this baby's maturity and would not let me go any later than absolutely necessary. i have never loved him more.

so now we get to cruise for a month until the next ultrasound, at which we will have the nuchal fold translucency test (hey! something new to obsess about! down's syndrome!) and then another ob follow-up. that leaves me a month to get over the bruises from today's ultrasound, and to celebrate my brother-in-law's wedding, and to spend a week with my family, and to find some new hobby with which to occupy myself every time i freak out that the tadpole will have down's.