the mother of all skid marks, or how i went totally fox channel and sunk to new levels to gross you out
last night, the fever raged, and diarrhea set in. how could i have diarrhea, you ask, if i haven't kept anything down? excellent question. the answer is: liquids. apparently liquids are rerouted from the bladder to the bowels when solids are in short supply. who knew.
justin brought me the contraband tylenol, and the fever came down enough for me to sleep off and on, with an occasional trip to the potty. i woke up feeling depleted but less feverish, and justin kindly brought me a piece of bread with a little bit of jelly spread on it. i laid in bed and munched my bread and felt proud of myself for getting it down and allowing myself time in bed after eating, like all the books advise. my pride lasted for about 10 minutes; i jumped out of bed and hurled until i couldn't hurl any more. and then i hurled some more anyway, just dry heaves.
when i came back to bed, i asked justin for the phone. i told my boss i would not be in, and then i called my ob and told his secretary i was at the end of my rope and the reglan was not working for me like last time. my ob called me back almost immediately, bless his heart, and after chiding me for not having a thermometer in the house, prescribed (1) a new thermometer, (2) tylenol if my temp went over 100, and (3) the new-fangled zofran that dissolves on the tongue. he offered no help for the diarrhea, because there isn't any when you're pregnant.
i struggled into my clothes and justin drove me to walgreens. i bought ginger ale and vanilla pudding cups and saltines plus the prescribed items. my co-pay for the zofran was $30.00, but i figured, hey, if it works, it'll be worth it. on the way home, i opened the package and found eight pills. for a $30.00 co-pay. i was incensed. i'm supposed to take 1-2 pills per day, as needed. if i average 1.5 per day, the prescription will last me for 6 days. i suppose for the other 24 days of the month i will just wretch all the time. bastards. i'm afraid to ask what the stuff costs if i pay for it off-insurance. i'm sure it's nothing compared to what people pay for ivf or other treatments to have children, but i was not prepared for such a thing. shit.
speaking of which...
the zofran has worked, hallelujah, but the diarrhea goes on, even though there is absolutely nothing but ginger ale in my body (water totally turns my stomach right now). a few hours ago, i was blog-surfing, and i felt like i was going to toot a little. and then i did, and i felt a warm flush across my cheeks. those cheeks. i jumped up (to the extent possible) and ran into the bathroom and there was the mother of all skid marks - more of a skid puddle, actually - in my underwear. i cleaned up, and scrubbed my underwear by hand, and i was very angry. i didn't know what to put on. if it happened again, i didn't want to potentially ruin another pair of underwear. but if i didn't have any underwear on and it happened again, i would soil the bed, and that would be much more work to clean up than underwear. maybe i should have put on justin's.
i put another pair of my underwear on and went back to bed. my temp was 99.5, and even on a normal day my temp is closer to 98 than 98.6, and i don't want to mess around with the fever, so i went ahead and took the two tylenol and went to sleep.
i woke up when the phone rang - justin, calling to check up on me. i told him what had happened, and then i felt it coming on and told him i had to go before it happened again, and then it happened again. i can't believe on top of everything else i am now fecally incontinent. this is what happens to very old people, and when it does, family members start discussing quality of life, and take fewer resuscitation measures.
after scrubbing a second pair of underwear, i switched to a cheap cotton pair i bought after i came home from the hospital from delivering hans. at the time, i kept making messes and bought the six-pack from k-mart so that if i messed up my underwear i could just throw them away. i came back to bed and called my mom to complain. and then the feeling started. "ihavetogoit'shappeningagainbye." as i ran to the bathroom, i soiled myself for the third time today.
i am now wearing a depends.
justin brought me the contraband tylenol, and the fever came down enough for me to sleep off and on, with an occasional trip to the potty. i woke up feeling depleted but less feverish, and justin kindly brought me a piece of bread with a little bit of jelly spread on it. i laid in bed and munched my bread and felt proud of myself for getting it down and allowing myself time in bed after eating, like all the books advise. my pride lasted for about 10 minutes; i jumped out of bed and hurled until i couldn't hurl any more. and then i hurled some more anyway, just dry heaves.
when i came back to bed, i asked justin for the phone. i told my boss i would not be in, and then i called my ob and told his secretary i was at the end of my rope and the reglan was not working for me like last time. my ob called me back almost immediately, bless his heart, and after chiding me for not having a thermometer in the house, prescribed (1) a new thermometer, (2) tylenol if my temp went over 100, and (3) the new-fangled zofran that dissolves on the tongue. he offered no help for the diarrhea, because there isn't any when you're pregnant.
i struggled into my clothes and justin drove me to walgreens. i bought ginger ale and vanilla pudding cups and saltines plus the prescribed items. my co-pay for the zofran was $30.00, but i figured, hey, if it works, it'll be worth it. on the way home, i opened the package and found eight pills. for a $30.00 co-pay. i was incensed. i'm supposed to take 1-2 pills per day, as needed. if i average 1.5 per day, the prescription will last me for 6 days. i suppose for the other 24 days of the month i will just wretch all the time. bastards. i'm afraid to ask what the stuff costs if i pay for it off-insurance. i'm sure it's nothing compared to what people pay for ivf or other treatments to have children, but i was not prepared for such a thing. shit.
speaking of which...
the zofran has worked, hallelujah, but the diarrhea goes on, even though there is absolutely nothing but ginger ale in my body (water totally turns my stomach right now). a few hours ago, i was blog-surfing, and i felt like i was going to toot a little. and then i did, and i felt a warm flush across my cheeks. those cheeks. i jumped up (to the extent possible) and ran into the bathroom and there was the mother of all skid marks - more of a skid puddle, actually - in my underwear. i cleaned up, and scrubbed my underwear by hand, and i was very angry. i didn't know what to put on. if it happened again, i didn't want to potentially ruin another pair of underwear. but if i didn't have any underwear on and it happened again, i would soil the bed, and that would be much more work to clean up than underwear. maybe i should have put on justin's.
i put another pair of my underwear on and went back to bed. my temp was 99.5, and even on a normal day my temp is closer to 98 than 98.6, and i don't want to mess around with the fever, so i went ahead and took the two tylenol and went to sleep.
i woke up when the phone rang - justin, calling to check up on me. i told him what had happened, and then i felt it coming on and told him i had to go before it happened again, and then it happened again. i can't believe on top of everything else i am now fecally incontinent. this is what happens to very old people, and when it does, family members start discussing quality of life, and take fewer resuscitation measures.
after scrubbing a second pair of underwear, i switched to a cheap cotton pair i bought after i came home from the hospital from delivering hans. at the time, i kept making messes and bought the six-pack from k-mart so that if i messed up my underwear i could just throw them away. i came back to bed and called my mom to complain. and then the feeling started. "ihavetogoit'shappeningagainbye." as i ran to the bathroom, i soiled myself for the third time today.
i am now wearing a depends.
posted by laura at 6:25 PM
12 Comments:
Um, thanks for sharing.
As far as wearing my underware? No can do. I'm clean (no pun intended) out, so was planning on wearing a pair of yours tomorrow...
I guess I should plan on doing laundry when I get home.
Poor girl! I am so sorry. I have to admit I laughed when you suggested wearing Justin's underwear. I know its not funny, but I chuckled. I am so, so sorry.
I am glad the Zofran is working for the nausea, but you're not the first person to complain about the tiny number of pills you get for such a large amount of money. My doc warned me about it, and thank God I got through without having to use it. (I did keep a prescription taped to the fridge just in case.)
I can't believe there's nothing you can take for diarrhea. I'm so sorry. Hope it gets better very soon.
Were you this sick with Hans?
i was this nauseated but i didn't have a viral bug to go with it, fortunately.
Hey, if the pills work out, maybe we can exchange Nutter Butters for medicine with one of our Canadian friends.
Failing that, I'll be in Nicaragua next month. I could visit the pharmacia before I get my shave and haircut.
OMG Laura (((hugs))). You have to stop making your misery sound so funny - I am going to go straight to hell for reacting to your writing this way!
You poor, poor thing though. It is a miracle that they have invented an anti-nausea drug that works to well and doesn't have to be injected or swallowed whole (GAG!).
I so hope things make a serious u-turn towards embarassingly ruddy good health in the next few minutes - or days at least. You poor thing - I just feel horrible for you:(
Oh - you should wear Justin's underwear to help him really share in your experience. It will bring you closer together;)
Damn, woman.
I'm really sorry you have that awful virus on top of everything else.
Feel better soon.
I can swear on anything reputable that I did NOT laugh at this one. Poo is only humorous on Julie's (Sisyphus) blog.
I hope this gets better, soon. That's a miserable feeling.
Oh, gee, we should just hang out together in misery. Really. The Zofran, from what I understand, is approx. $30 a pill. (shawha?!?!) Which would mean you would be spending hundreds out of pocket for that prescription. (Not that I haven't considered it, but I am not in the mood to make an extra house payment.) And I had the runs for the first two weeks or so of this pregnancy, with a fever. Now I have the exact opposite and I am sure I will be developing a nice case of hemorroids soon enough. The things we do to have children . . .
Oh my....this was very funny to read about. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you did make it sound hilarious. I pee myself whenever I sneeze, but that sounds like a cakewalk compared to pooping my pants. I hope it goes away soon.
You’ve made me laugh at my memory of being in labor… I was at the hospital in a bad state (12 hours of bad back labor at that point w/o drugs), amnioinfusion and internal monitors in, and would have crazy sensations during contractions where I was sure I was pooping. I guess it was mostly just the amnioinfusion stuff leaking out (or that’s what the nurses insisted), but it was the last shred of decency i wasn’t ready to give up… stand around naked as med students walked in… no problem… stand around (well within my 1 foot radius of all my monitors) pooping myself was just too much.
But at least that was just labor… I’m so sorry you’re experiencing it in a nonlabor situation!! Maybe some solid food will stay down and start helping soon.
Oh, you poor thing! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I hope you feel better soon!
Oh, you poor thing. I have to confess, I did that with Gracie. Only it was in the middle of the night and I was walking back from the bathroom. You guessed it. I was on my hands and knees at 2:30 AM scrubbing the floor. It happens.
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