adventures in woe
how pathetic am i that i would stay late at work to read blogs? i must get my fix now - i won't be able to check up on anyone for another 24 hours!
i feel like my butt is made of cement, but i'm trying to make some progress. i made a dr's appt for tomorrow morning to get my ears checked out - it seems my ear infection has returned, dammit. and i sent the hospital chaplain an e-mail asking for some recommendations of therapists that specialize in perinatal loss. and i told two more people that the tadpole is gone. and i looked at some houses online.
i love our house, but i'm starting to feel like it's not meant to be our lifelong home. there has been so much joy for me there, but it's also the home of all my grief. clouds of doom await me around every corner there. i want to make a fresh start.
but moving is a huge step. i'm only up for baby steps right now. so i'm going to go return the maternity clothes i bought last week - one less depressing thing to have hanging around the house.
i feel like my butt is made of cement, but i'm trying to make some progress. i made a dr's appt for tomorrow morning to get my ears checked out - it seems my ear infection has returned, dammit. and i sent the hospital chaplain an e-mail asking for some recommendations of therapists that specialize in perinatal loss. and i told two more people that the tadpole is gone. and i looked at some houses online.
i love our house, but i'm starting to feel like it's not meant to be our lifelong home. there has been so much joy for me there, but it's also the home of all my grief. clouds of doom await me around every corner there. i want to make a fresh start.
but moving is a huge step. i'm only up for baby steps right now. so i'm going to go return the maternity clothes i bought last week - one less depressing thing to have hanging around the house.
posted by laura at 8:14 PM
3 Comments:
lol...I have a working computer at home and I still stay late at work to check blogs! Like the fifteen minute drive home would be torture to wait to read stories from ya'll.
Your house is always going to hold happiness and grief. That's what makes life so gloriously messy and complicated. Think about it. They say you shouldn't make any major decisions when you're grieving...but I've found it's a great excuse to make those decisions you've maybe been considering for a while but haven't had the guts to actually act on. You could always move out to the country. I know some great neighbors (if I do say so myself). :o)
IF, we move - it'll be out of the country, before it's too the country.
baby steps are the way to go for everything. especially because everything kind of feels a little weird and surreal right now, you know? so feel passionately whatever the feeling du moment is and then reserve the right to change it 5 seconds later.
your butt is not made of concrete, just the world outside your butt.
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