the daily inventory

1. poochy? check
2. deeply crave a nap? check
3. perpetually hungry? check, check, check
4. armpits that smell like rubberband balls that have been hanging out in the grubby pockets of 7 year old boys? check
5. morning toothbrush gagfest? check

that's my daily checklist to try to assure myself that z is still perking. i'm so much calmer on the buspar, and my physical manifestations of anxiety have been relieved on it, but i'm still logically trying to figure out how i can go to my next check-up on the 18th and rationally discuss the pregnancy when no one will have any idea if i am still actively progressing. i never realized how much faith there was in the world, but when i think of all the pregnant women, putting off prenatal care or at least calmly assuming between four week appointments in the first half that all is well, i'm blown away by the volume of faith.

i will be 10w3d at that appointment, so at the very least i assume we'll schedule an ultrasound for the nuchal fold translucency test for the following week. i have a difficult time assuming that all is well until then. i just remembered that it was at the nuchal fold u/s that we found out about the missed abortion of the tadpole. shit.

it is not reasonable to not check in on z for three more whole weeks. it's just not.

i'm going to go home and watch the cavs kick some bucks' ass while doing yoga stretches.