the great escape, part two
tomorrow after my class, we're getting on the last flight to la guardia (we hope - there are only two seats left, and we fly standby) to spend friday - hans's first birthday - in new york. "anything to not be here" is our motto. i don't know that this method of commemorating his (still)birthday is the tradition i want to make, but it's right for us, for this year. when z is old enough to participate, we'll have to rethink the plan.
i got discount tickets to "rent" today (thanks for the tips, synge!), which will be our big outing for friday night; i have wanted to see it on broadway forever, and justin loves me enough to indulge me in a musical. and if he's going to see a musical, i'm thinking it's the one he'd most like. if he doesn't like it, well, i'll let him pick where we go to dinner.
we don't have plans for the rest of the day yet - we have a hard time planning too much in advance or having too much of an agenda on any trip, but i don't know if this might be the one day that should be well-planned. or not. we'll see. it's not like there's not plenty to do in new york, if we feel like doing it.
*****
in the mail tonight was a package from catherine containing a "thinking of you" card and a beautiful bracelet of silver child's blocks spelling "johannes" with amethyst, silver and crystal beads. it's absolutely lovely and it fits my already swollen wrist. catherine's friendship is one of the great gifts hans has given me.
*****
i think my pessimism about z's future right now is really about it being the anniversary of hans's death. the day before i delivered him, the day we learned he was dead, has weighed more heavily on me this week than the sweetness of the time we had with his body after the delivery. a month ago i was sitting on justin to go public already about z, but now i find myself suddenly withdrawn, not wanting to tell anyone else. i don't even want to tell justin's family when we get back from this trip, as we had planned. i at least want to wait until after wednesday's checkup. hell, i wouldn't say anything until z was born, if i could help it. when and how did that happen? i've turned abruptly from a blabbermouth into a clam.
i am insane, or at least incredibly neurotic. and maybe a little psychotic. more medication is in order.
i got discount tickets to "rent" today (thanks for the tips, synge!), which will be our big outing for friday night; i have wanted to see it on broadway forever, and justin loves me enough to indulge me in a musical. and if he's going to see a musical, i'm thinking it's the one he'd most like. if he doesn't like it, well, i'll let him pick where we go to dinner.
we don't have plans for the rest of the day yet - we have a hard time planning too much in advance or having too much of an agenda on any trip, but i don't know if this might be the one day that should be well-planned. or not. we'll see. it's not like there's not plenty to do in new york, if we feel like doing it.
*****
in the mail tonight was a package from catherine containing a "thinking of you" card and a beautiful bracelet of silver child's blocks spelling "johannes" with amethyst, silver and crystal beads. it's absolutely lovely and it fits my already swollen wrist. catherine's friendship is one of the great gifts hans has given me.
*****
i think my pessimism about z's future right now is really about it being the anniversary of hans's death. the day before i delivered him, the day we learned he was dead, has weighed more heavily on me this week than the sweetness of the time we had with his body after the delivery. a month ago i was sitting on justin to go public already about z, but now i find myself suddenly withdrawn, not wanting to tell anyone else. i don't even want to tell justin's family when we get back from this trip, as we had planned. i at least want to wait until after wednesday's checkup. hell, i wouldn't say anything until z was born, if i could help it. when and how did that happen? i've turned abruptly from a blabbermouth into a clam.
i am insane, or at least incredibly neurotic. and maybe a little psychotic. more medication is in order.
posted by laura at 11:27 PM
17 Comments:
I hope the weekend's trip will provide a helpful distraction (not to not remember, but to just not be in the same place). I am sure that you will be in many people thoughts and hearts this weekend. hugs
New York sounds fun. I took Steve to see RENT, thinking the same as you (if he was going to see a musical, that would be the one he'd like)...big mistake. I hope you have better luck with Justin. :o)
You humble me with your kind words. Your words have meant more to me than you will ever know...more than I can explain. I am thankful to you, Justin, and Hans for being a lifeline when I thought I would drown. I hope that Hans' birthday passes with more sweet memories than sad.
I have entertained the idea of hiding my pregnancy until the day I (hopefully) go home with a living baby. My friend suggests that instead of maternity clothes I could just wear bigger sizes and I might be able to pull it off. lol
Hope you have a good time in New York. You will all be in my thoughts and good wishes this weekend.
You are not crazy or neurotic just mucking through an impossibly difficult situations the best you can. *hugs*
Enjoy New York, have a nice trip, come home safe. I'll be thinking of you guys, hope the anniversary becomes part of a healing process.
have a beautiful, healing and loving trip.
and justin - pick gobo in the west village for dinner - its right up your alley, and even my ultra picky non-vegetarian parents loved it.
sorry i couldn't get you free tickets to rent, but i'm glad you didn't chose sweeney todd as the production was unfortunately sloppy and convoluted.
no day but today, darlin'. sometimes there are wise lessons in cheesy musical theatre.
(and i did mean it that you can call if you need anything, even a question about which subway to take or something)
Justin: Great seeing you today. Have a lurverly trip.
Can't remember if you said one night or two - if you want to see another show on Saturday, I recommend the Off B'way DOG SEES GOD. Toni doesn't.
Oh, and - 190th St./Fort Tryon stop. Take the A Train.
The other day I read an article about babymoons (I was researching Amsterdam, where we plan to go this summer), and discovered that there's an actual word for couples who travel while pregnant. So I was thinking that you two have been on a really long babymoon, and here it is, getting even longer!
But despite the basic reason - anywhere but here - remember to have fun. Z too.
Fly safely!
Safe trip! Enjoy!
Today is Friday, so I just wanted to pop in and say 'happy birthday' to Hans.
Hope you guys have a great trip.
Happy Birthday Hans....i will light a candle for him tonight.
Hoping for a gentle day for you...
Happy birthday Hans.
I hope you're doing okay today. :(
You guys make me tired.
And a happy birthday to Hans. Happy b-day buddy! We wish you were spending it here with us.
Thinking of both of you and Hans. See you on the other side - have a safe journey ((hugs))
Just a quick note to let you know that I'm thinking of you guys today and agree with your plan to be anywhere but home on Hans' day. That was one of the best decisions we ever made. I also feel you on your wish to hide your pregnancy until absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, I think I started to show two days ago, so I may not have a choice. :(
Since we're recommending musicals, I highly recommend Avenue Q! Have fun, whatever you do. Cheers!
Justin and Laura, I am thinking of you and Hans today. Sending all of my love, and huge hugs.
thinking of you.
Hope you guys are well in NY. Thinking of you both and your dear sweet little Hans. ((((hugs))))
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