woohoo, i've upgraded

thanks, treggles and cat, for pointing me to firefox and enabling me to finally upgrade to the new blogger! i feel so damn connected and stuff.

that's all i got right now. i'm freaking poop-ed. i leave you with magic milo:

the gilmore calendar

last night justin and i were sitting in bed, watching season six of the gilmore girls on dvd. milo stirred in his crib, and i was reminded of a night nearly nine months ago: justin and i were sitting in exactly the same place (our couch used to be where our bed is now), watching season two of the gilmore girls (ah, the golden year of jess!), and milo's movements were strong enough that justin got to feel him for the first time. (i can't figure out how to link to the post on my mac, but here's the address to it: http://johannesghost.blogspot.com/2006/04/2gether-4ever.html).

justin and i got hooked on the antics of the two lorelais four years ago, when we spent january and february of 2003 in south america. gilmore was on chilean tv three or four times a day; we watched it mid-morning while we got dressed, in the afternoon when we napped while it was hot, in the evening while we got ready to go out to supper, and as we went to sleep. we watched them all out of order, but we pieced together the whole first season and part of the second. later in the trip, when we got to montevideo, we picked our hotel in part because it had a tv, and we needed to make sure that horrible paris wasn't getting the best of rory. it was on that trip that we talked out all of our kid issues (or, at least, the ones we had then, pre-hans) and decided to start trying to get pregnant in may or june. we got home, found our house, got pregnant, and got too busy to keep up with the citizens of stars hollow.

forward to last winter, when we were bogged down by snow and anxiety; justin discovered he could request the gilmore girls dvds from the library. we watched seasons two and three over the course of the winter and spring; it was my safety valve, my periodic escape from my fears. when rory graduated from chilton, i got choked up envisioning milo in a cap and gown. the last weekend before i checked into the hospital, i went back and watched all of season one (in order, this time), finishing the last episode while i got dressed in the crazy heat that monday afternoon.

later, after my mom had gone home and the visitors slowed to a trickle and justin went back to work, milo and i moved on to season four. it was during the horrible, hellish period when he was a month old, when i was going nuts with the nursing/pumping/running the leaky supplementary system merry-go-round. i was miserable, milo was miserable. the only times he stopped crying were when the show's theme song played, and i sang along with carole king and her daughter to milo.

we waited forever for season five but we finally got to catch up last week, and milo showed he remembered the theme song by twisting his head around (with my nipple in his mouth) each time it came on while we nursed.

this morning i watched the last two episodes of season six while milo slept on our bed next to me. i've only managed to catch a couple of the current season's episodes, but i imagine next fall i'll take a weekend to watch the whole season at once - if milo will let me. i may have to put him on a tether. the only acceptable end will be luke and lorelai (and rory and jess) reconciling (although i suppose since the real life rory and jess have broken up, and since jess is now starring on "heroes", that a reconciliation between them on the show is out of the question). however it ends, though, milo and i will have our song. i hope whenever he hears "where you lead" he'll remember how much i love him.

milo goes to rock city

here's a little video of our road trip to dee-troit this weekend with our friends (with apologies to our detroit faves for not seeing them - we were in town for a little less than 24 hours and were with other people):

turd

milo's exploding all over the place. all of the sudden he's blowing raspberries, holding his own bottle, grabbing for my glass and/or my food, grunting very specifically for things he wants, manipulating toys...and now he's made his very first turd. were any parents ever prouder? and all of these things (except for the raspberries, which started a few days ago) started within about 24 hours. any second now, he'll be pulling himself to sitting by himself; he is *this* close. by next january i suppose we'll be taking little doogie off to college. it's just crazy. have i mentioned that last week he started pulling our faces to his mouth after we give him kisses? i'm completely in love.

less developmentally exciting is his scientific exploration into the effects of repeated biting. specifically, his research addresses the effects of biting his primary food source, including such topics as: what happens when i give it a twist? how many times can i clamp down before i am removed from the boobie? how far can i crane my neck to look at daddy before the boobie snaps out of my mouth? how loud can mommy scream?

gone are the days when a quiet but firm "no biting" would startle him enough to get him to loosen his iron grip. anything i say, from a volume of 0 to 11, as well as any attempts to physically break his latch, result in him holding on for dear life. i fully expect to find a detached piece of nipple in his mouth any time now. i'm considering cutting out the nursing and just pumping, although the thought of it breaks my heart. i never thought i'd have to choose between a broken heart and a broken nipple. sheesh.

who could resist this face???

behind; lactation machination; i take on an intern

no time, no energy. i'm working on letting go of what doesn't matter and just being in the moment with what matters most (justin and milo). but it's hard, hard work.

christmas was bittersweet. milo was cool, my nephew was cool, hans's absence was very uncool. it was a minefield for both of us. on christmas day we had one of those horrible state-of-the-relationship fights, in the car in front of justin's grandmother's house. i wouldn't recommend it.

but we survived it. and although milo has picked up a nasty case of bronchiolitis, and justin has the flu, and i slipped on the stairs and slid all the way down with my foot tucked under me and have a dramatic, tie-dye-looking sprain and major rug burn, and we had to drop our plans for our traditional new year's day party, we're doing all right. justin and i are checking out gyms (my goal: lose 30 lbs by milo's 1st birthday) and milo is getting his own exercise by kicking everything. the crib mattress, all night long. the car seat. the play mat. the dining table. us. he's finally starting to aim his kicking a little and has figured out how to kick on his aquarium, which at least saves us having to get up every five minutes to re-start it. life is good.

we're even getting a little adult time, here and there. or at least, we thought we were. after this morning's very special mommy and daddy time, we looked up to this:

is it just me, or does it look like he's judging us?

still, with that face, who can resist bringing him to bed with us? i know, i know - at some point, we're going to have to break the habit. we'll also have to deal with the daily 4 am feeding in our bed that turns into him sleeping with us until we get up. but it's sure sweet for now.


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the whole lactation thing has been kinda getting me down. another woman in my building at work (whose son was born six weeks after milo) came back to work this week; her son weighs significantly more than milo, and he's 100% breast-fed, and (as i found in the mother's room fridge) she pumps twice what i do. i've already been frustrated by my inability to provide his complete milk needs, but this in-my-face comparison was the breaking point. so i called the lactation consultant, and then my ob, and he ordered the labs for me. that day, i pumped the least i'd ever pumped at work, and it was a horrible, dark yellowy-green, and i cried all day at work. and the next day, i pumped a record amount, and it was lovely and white and creamy and fatty, and yesterday i pumped even more fabulousness, and then the test results came back fine. i don't know why the sudden change, except that i felt better for taking some action. i'm still not pumping enough, but i'm producing about 30% more than i was, and i've ruled out scary diseases, so everyone wins. i suspect our problems the first month were because of my raging anxiety, and once it subsided my supply never recovered. but milo's thriving, i'm healthy, and i'm not doing this again. so i'm going to worry about other things.

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milo helps mommy write this post: