five months
i can't believe it's been that long. in some ways, it seems like an eternity since hans slipped away from us. and then sometimes, it's like it's happening right now.
either way, i always want him back.
by his six month birthday, i might have conceived his brother or sister, although i won't know yet one way or the other. but i hope.
i dreamed last night that we had twins (!), both boys. one was much smaller than the other - maybe skipper-doll-sized - and i looked at him and looked at justin and said, "i know we agreed not to use the name sebastian, but look at him - he's such a sebastian!"
if it weren't for justin's family tradition of the firstborn sons having the same initials, johannes would have been sebastian. if we have another son, we've agreed we won't use sebastian, because to have two sons named johannes and sebastian would just be a little too...musically precious. and anyway, justin came up with THE name this week for if our second child is a boy.
we haven't come up with THE name for a girl yet. for now i'm referring to the hypothetical her as prunella. why not? people have been named worse.
i'm a little intrigued by the twins dream. it's not the first one i've had. i would be okay with twins, although there would be increased risk, which i would rather avoid, but to have two children for one pregnancy - what a deal!
either way, i always want him back.
by his six month birthday, i might have conceived his brother or sister, although i won't know yet one way or the other. but i hope.
i dreamed last night that we had twins (!), both boys. one was much smaller than the other - maybe skipper-doll-sized - and i looked at him and looked at justin and said, "i know we agreed not to use the name sebastian, but look at him - he's such a sebastian!"
if it weren't for justin's family tradition of the firstborn sons having the same initials, johannes would have been sebastian. if we have another son, we've agreed we won't use sebastian, because to have two sons named johannes and sebastian would just be a little too...musically precious. and anyway, justin came up with THE name this week for if our second child is a boy.
we haven't come up with THE name for a girl yet. for now i'm referring to the hypothetical her as prunella. why not? people have been named worse.
i'm a little intrigued by the twins dream. it's not the first one i've had. i would be okay with twins, although there would be increased risk, which i would rather avoid, but to have two children for one pregnancy - what a deal!
posted by laura at 9:23 PM
8 Comments:
wow, prunella! you get huge huge originality points for that one!
yeah, that's the thing with grief...its simultaneously a shock that life has gone on for however long its been when how could it and wasn't it just yesterday? and it seems like its been much longer and things have been that way for almost forever. its the weird time dichotomy of grief, and everything becomes measured by those standards. its like even time is never really the same.
its been 6 years since my brother died and it seems like it just happened and like its been 5 lifetimes, especially since moving to a new place and a new life.
the time thing never has real bearing on the pain though.
i hope your dream is prophetic, but in as low risk a way as possible.
thanks, synge :)
synge, if you're still around, here where swandad isn't - what about him? he seems lovely and intrigued by you, even if he works on the wrong side of town for you. :)
Hey, I feel like my two "lives" have coincided. This is weird....:)
I love the name Sebastian. I would still "vote" for it.
Five months...feels like forever and yet like no time at all.
I love the name Sebastian as well. This may sound strange, but our Thomas was going to be Sebastian, had he lived. We just didn't want to use the name after he died, in case we had/have another little boy (I hope that doesn't sound cruel or wierd). So if we do have another baby and it's a boy, he will most likely be named Sebastian.
I hope the twin dream does turn into reality! That would be wonderful - hard work, but wonderful. Both times I was pregnant I was hoping for twins and was a bit disappointed when there was only one heartbeat. Of course, in the end, the second time, I would have given my life just to have that one heartbeat again.
It always breaks my heart when the monthly grief group newsletter turns up with that months stillbirth birthdays and one of the childrens name is Joe or Karl Junior.
I can relate to losing, not only a child, but a name that meant everything to you and your family tradition, but I know that it still means something great to that parent that they were able to share that name with their child.
For this, I am really happy for this family, strange as it seems.
Personally, Johannes was Johannes - and to an extent, Greta was Johannes, should he have been born a girl. I couldn't name my next child Johannes or Greta for this reason.
Jaromir, on the other hand ...
enough with the jaromir!
anam cara, i think you should use the name you want in the way you want. it's not weird or cruel. it's just what you wanted.
vixanne, i started following your pal synge from your link and lately have noticed this swandad character and think HE should be her internet connection. am i way off? am i becoming one of those busybody matchmakers? god forbid.
I don't know who Swandad is! I will have to ask Synge.
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