how i avoided the big family holiday **now with pictures**

still feeling like a slug, but i need to shake it off so i can get some things done today. with justin gone, no one is magically making clean laundry appear in my closet, so i guess it's up to me. consider this post the first step towards getting stuff done i don't feel like doing.

wednesday: my mother's flight was delayed leaving jacksonville; meanwhile, i got to the airport and through security in record time for the day before thanksgiving, so justin was able to just barely squeeze me on to an earlier flight. according to our original plan, my mom was going to have to wait two hours for me to meet up with her in newark. instead, she only had to wait a few minutes for me, and we got over to our hotel much earlier than planned, which was wonderful, because we were both pooped. may i add how nice it is that my mother now qualifies for almost all senior discounts? her round-trip fare on the express bus from newark airport to manhattan was only half the regular fare, plus she got a nice ego boost because the ticket agent didn't believe she was 62 or over.

on the bus ride over, we had a lovely, lit-up view of manhattan, and we talked about my mother's previous trip there. it was the summer she was 12 - fifty years ago this last summer. the only thing she really remembered was going up the empire state building and putting a dime in the viewer. she was the second of seven kids, the sixth one being a baby on that trip, and the oldest daughter. they were all in a bright green new car, she remembers. they had been to a church conference in ohio, then they went to new york, then to washington dc, of which she remembers a bit more.

what she also remembers is how small hotel rooms used to be - she was reminded by our tiny room. i think she was disappointed; considering what she spent (she paid for the hotel, i paid for the transporation), she expected something at least comparable to every other hotel built since ww2. but it's not like we spent much time there, and the bathroom was clean, and when we turned off the lights at night, we could see into a number of apartments with the binoculars, so there was that bonus.

before we got to the hotel, we stopped so i could buy a hat and gloves from a vendor. i stupidly left mine on the airport parking shuttle, and only remembered them as i boarded my flight. justin, lovely man that he is, went out after i left (on his busiest day of the year) and rode shuttles around the airport until he found my stuff. he deserves an award. but i still needed something for the next morning, so i bought a red ski cap with a black/grey/white retro modern pattern on it and some black thinsulate gloves and we were on our way.

we stayed on 71st, between columbus and central park west, so once we deposited our things, we walked back up the block to columbus and settled on a little italian/ukrainian cafe because it looked like it would be quickest among the restaurants at that intersection. we got to sit in the cozy back room and shared a fresh mozzarella salad and a bowl of minestrone and lime italian sodas and a piece of sour cream apple walnut pie. by the time the pie came, we were both completely wilted, so as soon as we were done we went back to the room and got ready for bed.

my mother, who grew up in indiana and then iowa, has become terrified of the cold. when she came to see us last christmas, we had a record week of snow, and every time she was going to step out the door, there was this ten minute process of layering socks, scarves, hats and gloves. to deal with the cold in new york (high in the 40s/low in the 30s), she wore pantyhose, tights, and thick socks with courdoroy pants; fitted isotoner gloves under thick chenille gloves; a giant fake fur hat under the heavily lined hood of her coat; a scarf about twice as long as she is, wrapped around her neck so many times that it stood out further than her bustline; a silk tank, a t-shirt, a heavy turtleneck sweater, and a thick cardigan; plus the heavily-lined coat. it took her a long time to peel it all off that night. i don't know how she could walk under all that weight, frankly, but needless to say she about fried. as the trip went on, she began to shed some of her layers, but we still couldn't walk outside without the ritual of the accessories. we didn't discuss it, but i assume she had a bra and panties on under there, because she talked about not letting her "titsies" get cold. she laughed so hard, i thought she was going to wet herself at the word "titsies" which she made up for herself. i hope i never have to hear her say that word again. it was painful.

thursday: the alarm went off at 5 am, and we struggled to shower and get dressed at that hour, but we made it out of the hotel by 5:45. the parade starts at 77th street, 6 blocks north of us, on central park west, which was half a block from us, so we only had to walk up to the corner and then decide where we wanted to decamp. it was raining, and my mother had forgotten her rain poncho, so we settled on a spot halfway between 71st and 72nd where an apartment entrance awning stretched out to the curb. at that hour, there was a sprinkling of people out, the diehards with their tiny folding nylon chairs, who were staking out the best spots. under the awning, we could spread out my rain poncho and sit on it. we had three hours until the parade even started.

by 7:00, the frontline was filled and a second row was forming behind us. a woman came out of the apartment building alone and asked if she could squeeze in with us. her name was ginny, and she was a retired high school math teacher from carson city, nevada. her son lived in the building whose awning was sheltering us, and he was currently appearing in "wicked" on broadway, so he was too tired to care about coming out. the three of us formed a tight unit, guarding our excellent spot while we took bathroom breaks and went in seach of breakfast.

by 9:00, the spectators were ten-deep, as much as the sidewalk would allow and still give room for people to walk single file next to the buildings. the rain had stopped, and we had all had so much coffee we were no longer sluggish. the parade kicked off promptly, and we stood up and threw the now-disgusting poncho over the police railings. my mother stood on the street and took still pictures, which gave me enough clearance to video the proceedings from the curb. we could not have had a better spot.

the parade was lovely, fun, full of confetti, which i am still finding in my things. we saw kristin chenoweth, aaron neville and jai rodriguez from queer eye. we also saw rita coolidge and what remains of the beach boys (the two non-wilsons plus some guys that need hair cuts) and various teen/disney celebrities that i wouldn't know. the floats and balloons were lovely and fascinating, but it is a vastly different experience to see them from ten feet away than it is to watch them on tv. the floats are not nearly as big as they seemed on tv when i was a child, and the balloons (while huge) are pocked and shabby, with long, painted-to-blend strips of duct tape holding them together and making them looked scarred and tough. i can just see dora the explorer in a knife fight with sponge bob.

what was really fascinating was the operation of the balloons. each balloon has a captain that marches backward and conducts the rope handlers. the captain uses a whistle and also a lexicon of hand signals to tell them when to start, stop, turn, spin, make hands wave, bob, let out the rope or take it in, and step over the clydesdales' poop. i can't imagine the work it must take, especially when the wind kicks up, but the handlers didn't seem to mind. they seemed to all be smiling, and some of them even started dancing when they were at a standstill. of course, we were at the beginning of the route; they may not have been smiling by the time they got to macy's, especially if they were on the m&m balloon that crashed and burned (no, we didn't see it - it was much further down the route).

the bands and the clowns were great, but santa creeped me out. he was made up to look very pasty and antique, like a santa figurine that would appeal to someone with far more money than taste. but just as he went by, signalling the end of the parade, my phone buzzed. justin had just gotten out of the 72nd street subway stop and was headed toward us. we said goodbye to ginny after exchanging email addresses and found justin, who gave up trying to swim against the stream of people leaving the parade and let us flow to him.

we took the subway down to the village and then walked over to the red bamboo, on 4th street between sixth avenue and washington square park. but when we arrived a little after noon, the corrugated aluminum door was pulled down. red bamboo is justin's favorite place in new york, a tiny vegan restaurant in a basement with what they call "zen-soul" food. it's a blend of both asian and soul food, and it's so good that it makes you want to be a vegan, even if you're not. justin had called the day before to make sure they would be open, so he called again and found out they were opening in ten minutes. so we went for camera batteries and cash from the atm and came back as they were rolling up the door and were the first customers of the day.

they had a thanksgiving prix fixe menu, which we all had: sliced "turkey" or smoked "ham" or crispy "chicken" (we each had one so we could try them all), with mashed potatoes with the corn already mixed in, apple and walnut stuffing, mushroom gravy, peas and carrots, and cranberry sauce. also, everyone got two "turkey" drumsticks (the bone was a bamboo skewer), plus a deeply delicious curried butternut squash soup to start. to finish, we each got a giant scoop of vegan ice cream - caramel pecan for justin, pistachio for my mom and mint chip for me. and before this dinner, unlike last saturday night, i was able to say what i was thankful for: to share this meal with the people i love most in the world.

after dinner, we walked through washington square and watched the big dogs and the little dogs (why do the little dogs always form a circle chasing each other?), and i took my mother's picture in front of the arch, and we watched a performer juggle fiery batons. then we walked justin back to the subway and said goodbye; he left for la guardia and my mom and i went to times square.

it was raining again now and our outer layers were soaked, but we soldiered on. we covered pretty much all of midtown on foot and ended at rockefeller plaza, where we watched the skaters and the dancing snowflake show and took many pictures which did not come out. then we went down to the shops under rockefeller center and collapsed with oranginas and pastries. it felt like 9:00 to us, even though it was only about 6:00, and we agreed to call it a day. so we bought a couple of souvenirs of our trip (i bought two tiny espresso cups with the i heart ny logo on them) and headed back to the hotel. while my mom got ready for bed, i walked back up to the corner and bought two of the longest slices of pizza i have ever seen, and we ate them in bed while we watched "daddy daycare" (hey, we were tired).

friday: we had decided the night before to go down to ground zero before we left, but we didn't set an alarm, and by the time we had breakfast and were packed and ready to go it was after 9, so instead we went to the shops at columbus circle, who in their brochure made it sound like they were going to have lots of christmasy things; instead it was just their regular high-end mall stores that wanted to sell us christmas presents. we were lugging our bags with us and had no room to carry anything back anyway, and we weren't sure what the traffic would be like, so we went to penn station to take the express bus back to newark.

so we didn't really *do* anything on friday, but we got to spend hours talking. we talked some about hans, and about therapy, and about our plans for the future. we talked about my mom's church, and about the denomination in which i grew up and to which she still belongs, and about an underground, progressive movement building in it, which encouraged me, since i've been mostly disappointed in recent years with what the church has done. we talked a little about my dad, and about his cancer, and we talked about my mom's living trust. we talked about what everyone wanted for christmas, and my mother apologized for forgetting to bring the christmas ornament she had gotten for hans and promised to send it to me. that made me tear up. my mother hasn't mentioned him much since the day in april when she told me she had been down about it and just decided she wasn't going to let it bring her down any more. i was so touched that she remembered him for christmas. last christmas, she bought him his first ornament - a pair of red, wooden ice skates.

after i put her on her flight, i went to get on mine and realized that because of the reduced holiday schedule, there wasn't a 4:30 flight to cleveland and i had to wait until 6. while i waited, justin called from prague, which gave me a chance to ask him where he had parked the car at the airport. he had no idea. so when i got back i had to ride around the lot with the shuttle driver until we found it, but he was kind about it.

yesterday, i slept late, then watched two movies i had rented: "bewitched", which was just silly, and "dot the i", an okay thriller with gael garcia bernal, who makes me want to do dirty things to him. then i got dressed and went to see "rent" and "pride and prejudice". in the previews for rent, i thought alanis morissette was in it; it turns out that angel, the drag queen in it, looks an awful lot like alanis when in drag.

so that's my thanksgiving weekend. i have one more movie to watch - "king of the corner" - and laundry to do, and if i'm very, very careful, i may not have to leave the house. which means, i may not have to get out of my pink penguin flannel pajamas.