the breakfast of champions
i slept well and then woke up hours early, convinced that something was very, very wrong. a nerve-wracking doppler check finally, finally nailed down milo's heartbeat...and of course, shortly thereafter he began to hula in there, but a panic attack and generalized sobbing are a horrible way to start the day. i feel exhausted already, and i haven't even hit the shower yet.
how am i supposed to live like this? i could be looking at almost eight weeks more of this, but even in the best case scenario, i have at least four more weeks. it's inconceivable.
i'm so frustrated by the lectures i got monday about coming into the hospital if i feel something is wrong. if i did what i was told, i'd be there every other goddamned minute. i'm pretty sure none of those scolding doctors would be willing to just keep me in the hospital on continuous monitoring for the next month or two. fuck them all.
how am i supposed to live like this? i could be looking at almost eight weeks more of this, but even in the best case scenario, i have at least four more weeks. it's inconceivable.
i'm so frustrated by the lectures i got monday about coming into the hospital if i feel something is wrong. if i did what i was told, i'd be there every other goddamned minute. i'm pretty sure none of those scolding doctors would be willing to just keep me in the hospital on continuous monitoring for the next month or two. fuck them all.
posted by laura at 8:29 AM
8 Comments:
Laura, I'm sorry. That is definately a shitty way to start the day. You can do this! And hopefully in several months, you can tell me the same thing when I'm freaking out. And you'll be holding Milo as you type it :)
(((((((((hugs))))))) Been there, done that, no good advice on the matter. You can make it through...but yeah, i vote for the 36 week section too.
Laura, I have no words of encouragement but I do remember that terror all too well. Just wanted to send some hugs for the shitty start to the day. (((hugs)))
I am so sorry. I too have moments like that almost daily and have to remind myself that this pregnancy is a new one... it is so so hard.
Yeah, what a shitty start to the day. Wish I had some good advice to offer but we all know where my mental state has been lately! Thinking of you knowing you'll make it through!
Well, hooray for the doppler. And sleep as much as possible. Read really boring books, like Bill Clinton's autobiography. I love Bill, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open past page 80 or so.
yeah, i made it about halfway through bill's auto-bio and gave up...that was like two years ago. madeline albright's book, though, is a good read and a better accounting of the clinton white house, if you're looking for something....
Really glad that nothing was wrong with Milo besides having to deal with so much worry. There is relief on the way... hoping it will come fast and the time will fly. *hugs*
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